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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Please, could you proofread my poem

    Please would you proofread my poem:

    CRYING

    A young girl is sitting and crying at the bus stop.
    Her face smeared with makeup, the tissue in her frail hand
    drenched in tears.
    A heartbreaking scene.

    People around her pretend they do not hear anything.
    They gaze at the building across the street, look up at the blue sky
    and fiddle with their mobile phones.
    The young girl is crying uncontrollably
    and the pool is forming under her feet.

    Why is the damn bus so late?

  2. #2
    buggles's Avatar
    buggles is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please, could you proofread my poem

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Please would you proofread my poem:

    CRYING

    A young girl is sitting and crying at the bus stop.
    Her face smeared with makeup, the tissue in her frail hand
    drenched in tears.
    A heartbreaking scene.

    People around her pretend they do not hear anything.
    They gaze at the building across the street, look up at the blue sky
    and fiddle with their mobile phones.
    The young girl is crying uncontrollably
    and a pool is forming under her feet.

    Why is the damn bus so late?
    That's all I can suggest, The rest reads fine to me. Good poem.

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