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    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Korean
      • Home Country:
      • South Korea
      • Current Location:
      • South Korea

    • Join Date: Dec 2010
    • Posts: 1
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    #1

    Smile please check these sentences that I wrote are proper~

    Hi, the simple essay below is parts of my diary today.
    I'd like to check whether or not the expressions especially underlined are correct. If you don't mind correcting other errors also, please do so.
    I really appreciate it. Have a nice day !!

    At last(at length), I went to the Tong Studio to take pictures for my yearbook. It was a specialized photo studio for yearbook pictures, and had a few different backgrounds with a graduation theme. There was only one photographer, so it took about 40 minutes until it was my turn. Fortunately another photographer came when the student right before me was taking pictures, so I could a bit earlier sit before the camera. Various props, such as graduation caps, gowns, diplomas, and roses, were prepared for photography, and the backgrounds were decorated with many props which go well with the graduaation theme. The most memorable one was a small podium next to my college flag. It seems like I was in a real commencement ceremony. There were a few students who came with their family bug I was alone....I was kind of forlorn.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England

    • Join Date: Jun 2010
    • Posts: 16,055
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    #2

    Re: please check these sentences that I wrote are proper~

    Quote Originally Posted by brmprk View Post


    Later, I went to the Tong Studio to take pictures for my yearbook. It was a specialized photo studio for yearbook pictures, and had a few different backgrounds with a graduation theme.

    There was only one photographer, so I had to wait about 40 minutes for my turn. Fortunately another photographer came when the student right before me was having his picture taken, so I was able to sit before the camera a bit sooner.


    Various props, such as graduation caps, gowns, diplomas, and roses, were available for use, and the backgrounds were decorated with many props which went well with the graduation theme. The most impressive one was a small podium next to my college flag.


    It seemed like I was in a real presentation ceremony. There were A few students had come with their families but I was alone....I felt kind of forlorn.
    Rover

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Dec 2009
    • Posts: 774
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    #3

    Re: please check these sentences that I wrote are proper~

    Here's how I would have written it. This is not for you to copy, nor does it mean that what you wrote needs to be changed. I just thought you would like to see how a native speaker would have described the event. In my own words:

    I finally went down to the Tong Studio to sit for my graduation photo. They specialize in yearbook pictures and have several different graduation-themed backgrounds to choose from. The place was busy and they had one photographer on staff at the time, so it looked like the wait would be long, at least an hour or so. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait that long. About 40 minutes in, another photographer showed up.

    I watched while various graduation props (caps, gowns, diplomas, and roses) were brought out, and the backgrounds displayed one by one. All for me to choose from. The background I chose was the one with a small podium next to my college flag. It looked real, like I was actually at my commencement ceremony, but that feeling of excitement that started to build steadily in me abruptly stopped and turned into a feeling of forlorn when I noticed the family members in the room who had accompanied other students to the studio that day.

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