1- I'd drop the 'my'
4- semi-colon Jim's so boring? Maybe 'going for a picnic' after 'suggested'
5- what do you measn by 'taken put the whole room'?
9- I'd say 'take you back to when you were young'
11- typo- evidence
12- typo- pension, also, I'd say 'haven't found/got someone to collect...'
13- do governments adopt reforms?
14- I'd move 'for three weeks now' as it sounds as if that is the duration of the kidnapping not the trial
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