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  1. #1
    airpork is offline Newbie
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    Default please help to proofread

    It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books."
    Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained
    from books.


    Books have existed and helped us for thousands of years. Before papers were even invented, pictures and words carved and painted on walls and wooden scrolls. The knowledge and history of our mankind has been passed down by the writings of books, even till present time. But it’s said that ‘Not everything that is learned is contained in books.’

    We have been taught in schools with books since young, but lessons were also conducted outside of a class without any books. A book contains information to guide us and let us have a better understanding to the topic. It not only gives provide us with helpful information, but also widens our mind and exposes our views to the world that we live in. Thus, reading empowers our mind and broadens our perspective beyond of our own country.

    Despite having all the advantages from reading a book, a book does have its limitation too. You do not really get the hands on experience if you don’t try them out yourself. Being able to actually touch and feel the bricks of an ancient pyramid than reading from a book are much more magnificent, as being able to feel and touch ancient artifacts and interact with the people is indescribable by reading a book. Other than the fact that you can explore and see the actual thing, gives you a better understanding to the topic than reading alone does.

    In conclusion, reading is important but experiencing and learning from the actual thing is equally important as it brings us better understanding to the subject/topic.
    Last edited by airpork; 02-Dec-2010 at 08:43.

  2. #2
    Jay Louise's Avatar
    Jay Louise is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: please help to proofread

    Quote Originally Posted by airpork View Post
    It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books."
    Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained
    from books.


    Books have existed and helped us for thousands of years. Before papers were even invented, pictures and words were carved and painted on walls and wooden scrolls. The knowledge and history of our mankind has been passed down by the writings of books, even till present time. But it’s said that ‘Not everything that is learned is contained in books.’

    We have been taught in schools with books since young, but lessons were also conducted outside of a class without any books. A book contains information to guide us and let us have a better understanding to of the topic. It not only gives provide us with helpful information (note 1), but also widens our mind (note 2) and exposes our views to the world that we live in. Thus, reading empowers our mind and broadens our perspective beyond of our own country.

    Despite having all the advantages from reading a book, a book does have its limitation too (note 3). You do not really get the hands on experience if you don’t try them out yourself. Being able to actually touch and feel the bricks of an ancient pyramid than reading from a book are much more magnificent, as being able to feel and touch ancient artifacts and interact with the people is indescribable by reading a book. Other than the fact that you can explore and see the actual thing, gives you a better understanding to the topic than reading alone does. (note 4)

    In conclusion, reading is important but experiencing and learning from the actual thing is equally important as it brings us better understanding to the subject/topic.
    gives provide us with helpful information (note 1)
    Choose either "gives us helpful information" or "provides us with helpful information".

    widens our mind (note 2)
    Widen generally refers to making something physically larger (This window is too narrow. I need to widen it). A common expression would be to "expand your mind". The use of broadens our perspective is a good choice too.

    Despite having all the advantages from reading a book, a book does have its limitation too (note 3). You need to rework this sentence.
    If you rearrange the sentence~
    A book does have its limitation too despite having all the advantages from reading a book.
    Can you see how this doesn't work? It sounds like books have advantages from reading themselves.

    (note 4)
    Being able to actually touch and feel the bricks of an ancient pyramid than reading from a book are much more magnificent, as being able to feel and touch ancient artifacts and interact with the people is indescribable by reading a book.

    Other than the fact that you can explore and see the actual thing, gives you a better understanding to the topic than reading alone does.

    Your meaning isn't coming across clearly. The highlighted phrases aren't working where you have them and/or as you're using them.

    Being able to actually touch and feel the bricks of an ancient pyramid is much more magnificent than reading about it from a book.

    Likewise, being able to feel and touch ancient artifacts and interact with the peopleis indescribable by reading a book.

    Now we see that "is indescribable by" isn't working here. Would "is incomparable to" be closer to what you mean?

    Other than the fact that you can explore and see the actual thing, gives you a better understanding to of the topic than reading alone does.
    As it is your idea reads as "other than {A}, {B} gives you {C}. The problem being that you have no {B}, and I don't think that this is what you are looking for anyway.
    Try using "Also, the fact that" or "In addition, the fact that" and then remove the comma.


    the outline of this paragraph would then look something like-
    there are limitations to what you learn from reading a book, they don't provide hands on experience
    hands on experience is
    1. more magnificent than reading a book
    2. incomparable to reading a book
    3. gives you a better understanding than reading a book

    [edit] I would love if you would rewrite this to reflect your thoughts and then repost it.
    Last edited by Jay Louise; 02-Dec-2010 at 19:00.

  3. #3
    airpork is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please help to proofread

    thank you so much for proof reading my essay ! will re-write this if time allows.
    I have a favor to ask, could you also proofread my other essay ?

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