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    #1

    my seconed Toefl essay

    i wrote an essay here before .. and this is my second essay .. i'd appreciate it if anyone correct my essay and rate it :)



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    Nowadays, with the invention of the microwave and with the popularity of fast food restaurants, food has become easier to prepare than ever. Do you think microwave ovens and fast food restaurants are beneficial to society? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
    ---------------------------------

    The technology has been grown fast in the modern
    world.since then we witness the invention of many things . Some of these invention were so beneficial to the society such as invention of radio and technology.
    Other invention had a very bad effect on the world . Markedly, the molecular bomb one of the evilest invention in the human being history. Countries were destroyed and innocent people has been killed because of it.
    In addition to the good and bad a third example of invention has to be mention . Which is the invention of things that served the world somehow and yet it has a bad effect.
    For instance , the microwaves oven which have the ability to heat food in no time.But the frequent use of it coupled with repeated going to fast food resturant may harm human health.
    Hence, these type of invention are the one that we should be careful while decide wetheir or not qualified for use . For that reason I will demonstrate the advantage and disadvantage of microwave oven as well as fast food resturant.

    The microwave oven was invented from centries and since then it did a great job for both busy people and resturant owners . Ones can prepared their foods days before and keep it in the fridge.
    After that their food can heated whenever they want and in minute just by clicking in the microwaves oven button.
    Therefor , this technology impressed everyone . It was easy to use, practical and it save time.
    It is perfect for busy housewives , resturant owners , students who live in the dorms and others.
    Saddly , some research has shown that the frequent use of microwave may lead to cancer.
    This study wasn't approved like other studies that related to cancer and it causes.Even though it seems like a perfect technology ones should think twice before deciede to use it.

    In addition to the microwave , the fast food resturant comes second as a model for quick food.
    Usually these resturant had delicious and irresistable food not to mention the different type of meals that will come with a big soft drinks . It may seems immpossable for anyone who take glance at the menue of these resturant to resist it.It may look like perfect places for perfect food. Except for one shocking fact that these food are the number one cause of obesity in the united state.The secret behind the good taste of the food is that it contain highly quantity of fat that will be store in our body day after day and it will lead to obesity.

    Hence , as I mentioned the advantage and disadvantage of microwaves and fast food resturant
    It is obvious that I don't agree with the use of them.I think they give people temporary pleasure while destroying their body in long term condition.
    It's better to stay healthy and natural . As the famous quotes says ' prevention is better than a cure ' .
    Last edited by fato1988; 07-Dec-2010 at 03:02.

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    #2

    Re: my seconed Toefl essay

    Hi,

    I have corrected your essay, mostly re-written it, without changing the meaning. I am not a teacher so do not consider it as the perfect. Their might be some errors in this too. But i felt i can improve a bit.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    The technology has advanced very (is growing) rapidly in the modern world.

    Since then we have witnessed many inventions, some of these are beneficial to the society like radio, computer and few are curse to the world.

    The molecular bomb is the evilest invention in the history of technology and science. The deadliest weapon has destroyed many countries and has taken life of many innocent ones.

    In addition to this, there are technologies which help human beings meanwhile they have bad effects too. For example the microwave which can cook/heat food in no time but the frequent use of it coupled with regular dining in fast food centers and restaurants, which use these microwaves commonly, may harm health.

    Hence, the knowledge on technologies, awareness of the positives and negatives of the same is must before investing in them.

    Here are some of the advantages and disadvantages of the microwave oven.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    From writing perspective i did not like jumping from hydrogen bomb to microwave. may be you can solely talk about microwaves. Also the fast food dining, i felt doesn't get along with this.

    Norma.

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    #3

    Re: my seconed Toefl essay

    thanx norma for correcting my essay .

    actually i'm preparing for the toefl exam and i tried my best to write a long essay because am not good in english . i think they ask for 350 word in one essay so i try to write whatever comes in my mind.
    its like a nightmare . because even if i know what i want to say yet i can't explain it .

    thank u very much for ur help

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