[Essay] Get it right!?

[Kaka&Cooper]

Fairly recently,many new college grads begin to look forward to working at a stable job,such as a teacher or a civil servant, which has triggerd a heated discussion.

Some people hold out that a stable job confers several advantages.Bringing a steady paycheck home at the end of each month,they are able to make the whole family lead a prosperous material life. What's more, a stable job means to them less stress from workplaces.
They can thus slip away for some private time staying with their family.

However,a precisely opposite voice could be heard.Others argue that it has more of a negative than a positive effect when pursuing a stable job. Those who are bereft of aspiration are likely to end up muddling along and acquiring nothing at every point of their life. In addtion, they will not develop their potentials to the fullest.

I firmly believe it's more beneficial to set a high hope first ,especially when people are striving to achieve something valuable in their career. Generally speaking,people tend to instinctively perform better if confronted with challenges. It is by all odds better to have a challenging job rather than a stable one.

 

[Raymott]

Fairly recently,many new college grads begin to look forward to working at a stable job,such as a teacher or a civil servant, which has triggerd a heated discussion.

Some people hold out that a stable job confers several advantages.Bringing a steady paycheck home at the end of each month,they are able to make the whole family lead a prosperous material life. What's more, a stable job means to them less stress from workplaces.
They can thus slip away for some private time staying with their family.

However,a precisely opposite voice could be heard.Others argue that it has more of a negative than a positive effect when pursuing a stable job. Those who are bereft of aspiration are likely to end up muddling along and acquiring nothing at every point of their life. In addtion, they will not develop their potentials to the fullest.

I firmly believe it's more beneficial to set a high hope first ,especially when people are striving to achieve something valuable in their career. Generally speaking,people tend to instinctively perform better if confronted with challenges. It is by all odds better to have a challenging job rather than a stable one.

Some people find this intensely irritating, given that it's so easy to fix. If your marker is one of these people, your marks can only go down. It creates an immediately bad impression.
One slip in an essay this size could be overlooked ... maybe.

 

[Kaka&Cooper]

Sorry,I don't get it.

 

[Raymott]

Sorry,I don't get it.
Sorry, I don't get it.

Good, thanks for following up the question then.
In English, we punctuate like this. A period or comma follows a word immediately (without a space), then comes a space, then a new word.
The spacing of punctuation is not arbitrary. You might never have been taught this, but if you read any book in English, any newspaper, any good piece of writing at all, you will never see a space before a comma , like this or no space after a comma,like this.
It's an important part of the presentation of any text in English, especially if you're getting marked on it.
Besides, how do you do a spell-check on it? In MS Word, all of these examples of bad punctuation are signalled, along with your other errors such as 'addtion', etc.

 

[Kaka&Cooper]

Thank you so much, and I guess I've got the hang of it.

 

[Kaka&Cooper]

I was wonderig whether, in your eyes, this essay is at beginner's level.

 

[Raymott]

Fairly recently, many new college graduates have begun to look forward to working at a stable job,such as a teacher or a civil servant, which has triggerd a heated discussion.
Don't use abbreviations like 'grads' in a formal essay.

Some people hold [STRIKE]out [/STRIKE] that a stable job confers several advantages. Bringing a steady paycheck home at the end of each month,they are able to make the whole family lead a prosperous material life. What's more, a stable job means to them less stress from workplaces.
They can thus slip away for some private time staying with their family.

However, a precisely opposite voice could be heard. Others argue that it has more of a negative than a positive effect when pursuing a stable job. Those who are bereft of aspiration are likely to end up muddling along and acquiring nothing at every point of their life. In addtion, they will not develop their potentials to the fullest.

I firmly believe it's more beneficial to set a high hope first ,especially when people are striving to achieve something valuable in their career. Generally speaking,people tend to instinctively perform better if confronted with challenges. It is by all odds better to have a challenging job rather than a stable one.

Your English expression is obviously beyond beginner's level. You just need more practice.