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  1. #1
    Kavir1698 is offline Newbie
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    Smile Personal statement - please proofread :)

    Hi,
    I am going to send this personal statement for some PhD programs. would you please take a look and see if it is good in content and length? and if there are any grammatical error?
    I appreciate your help.:-)
    --------------------------------------------------

    I was born and grown in a house where critical and systematic thinking towards the society was an everlasting part of it. My father is a lawyer, who has been active in newspapers and writing at the same time. These three activities, i.e. attorneyship, working with newspapers and writing, have made me passionate about discovering the realities and truth of social and personal life of human. Since I was very young I joined many journalists’ gatherings and participated in their discussions and debates. And it greatly helped me develop an analytical view towards experiences around me. That is what later, improved my academic thinking.

    Being passionate about discovering the truth, I was easily fascinated by philosophy as it had the main purpose of finding the truth. Consequently, through philosophy I encountered even more questions that were to be answered. The bond between evolutionary genetics and philosophy and a vast variety of other sciences, such as sociology and evolution, together with its concern to human life and its connection to the world, made me interested about it. Thus, I have decided to dedicate my future career to finding answers for questions about human nature. Studying human evolutionary biology gives me very powerful tools to investigate many fundamental questions about the history and current position of human.

    Studying in this field is especially motivating to me because it makes it possible to analyze the results of experiments. Furthermore, it is possible this field is open to many different methods of experimental design and their analysis, which provides huge options to explore for answers.

    During my undergraduate studies, I was involved in several research projects that equipped me with the essentials of academic research. Most of the projects to which I was involved were about nanotechnology and its application. Among them, one was published under the title of “----”. In total, I received 9000 dollars of research grant. I conducted a couple of other research projects that were about functionalizing carbon nanotubes by DNA and comparing the effect of different nanomaterial on DNA. In the first project, we tried to increase the functionalization rate of carbon nanotubes by changing the solvent of carbon nanotube-DNA hybrids. This helps carbon nanotubes become soluble faster and more efficient and ready to be utilized in many applications. In addition to these projects, I joined several national and international conferences and presented some papers in the form of posters. Furthermore, I took a few workshops (such as Phylogenetics and Site directed mutagenesis) that generally helped me to recognize the potentials and our current limits in research. This is very important in my point of view, because it facilitates designing the most efficient experiments.

  2. #2
    G-girl is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Personal statement - please proofread :)

    I read your statement and made a few amendments, I am student so you should still have it proofread by an English teacher. I hope this helps... you are unclear at parts about your research... I think you should also mention specifically what you want to research in paragraph 3. Also, you're missing a conclusion at the end. you could also mention your desired research department in the conclusion.




    I was born and raised in a house where critical and systematic thinking is greatly encouraged. My father is a lawyer who is also involved with newspapers and writing. Watching my father practise law, search for facts and deal with varying opinions has made me grow fascinated with the truth behind many events. As a young boy I joined many journalists’ gatherings and participated in their discussions and debates. This greatly helped me develop an analytical view regarding my surroundings, which later on positively affected my academic thinking.
    Being passionate about facts, opinions and sources forming the so called truth behind events has led to my admiration of philosophy. The bond between evolutionary genetics, philosophy and a vast variety of other sciences, together with its regard to human life, pulled me in. This consequently led to a sea of knowledge that was yet to be uncovered. There are many unanswered questions along with a world of possibilities. My curiosity and hunger for knowledge drive me to believe that finding an answer to at least one of the mysterious questions is what I should dedicate my career to.
    Studying human evolutionary biology should provide me with the necessary tools to investigate many fundamental questions regarding the history, present and future of the human species. I am hoping to be part of many beneficial experiments which will help further enhance our understanding of the human biology. I am greatly motivated by the idea of contributing to the human society and will work to the best of my ability with that in mind.
    During my undergraduate studies I was involved in several research projects that equipped me with the essentials of academic research. Most of the projects in which I was involved were about nanotechnology and its application - Amongst them one which was published (where?) under the title of “----”. In total, I received 9000 dollars of research grant (from?). I conducted a couple of other research projects that were about functionalizing carbon nanotubes by DNA and comparing the affect of different nanomaterial on DNA.
    In the first project, we tried to increase the functionalization rate of carbon nanotubes by changing the solvent (from what to what?) of carbon nanotube-DNA hybrids. This helps carbon nanotubes become soluble faster and more efficient and ready to be utilized in many applications. In addition to these projects, I joined several national and international conferences and presented some papers in the form of posters (could elaborate briefly). Furthermore, I took part in a few workshops (such as Phylogenetics and Site directed mutagenesis) this generally helped me recognize our potential and also our currently restricting limits in research.

  3. #3
    tsuhan is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Personal statement - please proofread :)

    Not bad, i'd give it a 6/10. There are still a number of seemingly random capitalizations and a number of redundancies, such as "in my opinion" which is I phrase I abhor . I think the most important thing now is making sure it flows well with the rest of your application, which is impossible to tell from just reading this. Just a word of advice, after I prepared my own applications for PhD programs, I used a professional writing service to give it that extra polish. I used charles river editors , whom I had a good experience with.

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