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  1. #1
    Ellena is offline Newbie
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    Default Help me proofread this report, please!

    Please, help me proofread this report!

    Report
    Background
    Last month we had a 10% increase in sales and this is a very high indicator. We launched our US Internet site last month.

    Findings
    As it is mentioned earlier, during the last month we had a chance to see an increase in the sales of our on-line shop. This is because our clients are now able to view, choose and order all necessary things without leaving home. Online shopping is becoming more and more popular from year to year, because the Internet access in Europe is getting cheaper. It is forecasted that we will have 8 million on-line buyers within 3 years. Nowadays, sales of clothing on the Internet represent just 1% of retail sector. At this moment this figure is not high, but the situation may be changed by some Scandinavian and German sites. The first Internet site set up for Germany and Scandinavia has good first quarter results, especially Scandinavian e-tailer chic.com.

    Conclusion
    In conclusion, we can say, that we see good results of on-line shops performance in Europe. It will be very good for our clients if on-line shops are opened in Germany and Scandinavia.

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Help me proofread this report, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellena View Post
    Please, help me proofread this report!

    Report
    Background
    Last month we had a 10% increase in sales and this is a very high indicator. We launched our US Internet site last month.

    Findings
    As it is mentioned earlier, during the last month we had a chance to see an increase in the sales of our on-line shop. This is because our clients are now able to view, choose and order all necessary things without leaving home. Online shopping is becoming more and more popular from year to year, because the Internet access in Europe is getting cheaper. It is forecasted that we will have 8 million on-line buyers within 3 years. Nowadays, sales of clothing on the Internet represent just 1% of retail sector. At this moment this figure is not high, but the situation may be changed by some Scandinavian and German sites. The first Internet site set up for Germany and Scandinavia has good first quarter results, especially Scandinavian e-tailer chic.com.

    Conclusion
    In conclusion, we can say, that we see good results of on-line shops performance in Europe. It will be very good for our clients if on-line shops are opened in Germany and Scandinavia.
    Was this before or after your review?

  3. #3
    Ellena is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Help me proofread this report, please!

    I have done the review, but can't help feeling there are still some mistakes. I think, it's mostly about the end of the "Findings" - the student writes about one Internet site set up for Germany and Scandinavia, and then says "especially Scandinavian e-tailer chic.com." It's illogical, right?
    Last edited by Ellena; 27-Dec-2010 at 18:24. Reason: clarifying

  4. #4
    Ellena is offline Newbie
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    Question Re: Help me proofread this report, please!

    I have got another report written by another student. If you think that the previous report is good, can you have a look at this one, please? The topic is the same. There are my corrections

    Findings
    Last month we set up a team to investigate launching an on-line store for the European market. We have completed the results.
    Background
    During the last month, we have seen (wrong tense: saw) a steady increase in sales following the launch of our US internet (write the word "Internet" with the capital letter in formal writing) site. Internet orders are very convinient (convenient) for busy people and have competitive prices.
    Internet access in Europe (you should add “is” here) getting cheaper, that's (you shouldn't use contractions in formal writing, write “that is” or “this is the reason”) why we have made some (write “a” here instead of "some") forecast: 8 million on-line buyers within 3 years (decode the colon, in formal writing do not contract sentences if not necessary).
    Sales of clothing on the internet (we write “Internet” with the capital letter) represent just 1% of retail sector, it's (do not use contractions in formal writing, write “it is”) a low figure, but performance of some new fashion sites in Scandinavia/Germany (separate these two words with “and”) is good.
    Conclusion
    In conclusion, compare to Scandinavian e-tailer chic.com (rewrite; there should be mentioning of this site in the main body of the report, otherwise you can’t mention a new piece of information in the conclusion + you should write “compared to”), first quarter results will be good. First we need to set up Internet site for Germany and Scandinavia.

    _ _ _ _ _
    Does "compared to" make sense in the last paragraph?

  5. #5
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Help me proofread this report, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellena View Post
    Please, help me proofread this report!

    Report
    Background
    Last month we had a 10% increase in sales and this is a very high indicator. We launched our US Internet site last month.

    Findings
    As it is mentioned earlier, during the last (I would use "previous") month we had a chance to see we saw an increase in the sales of our on-line shop. This is because our clients are now able to view, choose and order all necessary things items without leaving home. Online shopping is becoming more and more popular from year toafter year, because the Internet access in Europe is getting cheaper. It is forecasted that we will have 8 million on-line buyers within 3 years. NowadaysCurrently, sales of clothing on the Internet represent just 1% of the retail sector. At this moment Presently,this figure is not high, but the situation may be changed by some Scandinavian and German sites. The first Internet site set up for Germany and Scandinavia has had good first quarter results, especially Scandinavian e-tailer chic.com.

    Conclusion
    In conclusion, we can say, that we see good results of on-line shops performance in Europe. It will be very good for our clients if on-line shops are opened in Germany and Scandinavia.
    A few minor suggestions.

  6. #6
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Help me proofread this report, please!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ellena View Post
    I have got another report written by another student. If you think that the previous report is good, can you have a look at this one, please? The topic is the same. There are my corrections

    Findings
    Last month we set up a team to investigate launching an on-line store for the European market. We have completed the results.
    Background
    During the last month, we have seen (wrong tense: saw) a steady increase in sales following the launch of our US internet (write the word "Internet" with the capital letter in formal writing) site. Internet orders are very convinient (convenient) for busy people and have competitive prices.
    Internet access in Europe (you should add “is” here) getting cheaper, that's (you shouldn't use contractions in formal writing, write “that is” or “this is the reason”) why we have made some (write “a” here instead of "some") forecast: 8 million on-line buyers within 3 years (decode the colon, in formal writing do not contract sentences if not necessary).
    Sales of clothing on the internet (we write “Internet” with the capital letter) represent just 1% of retail sector, it's (do not use contractions in formal writing, write “it is”) a low figure, but performance of some new fashion sites in Scandinavia/Germany (separate these two words with “and”) is good.
    Conclusion
    In conclusion, compare to Scandinavian e-tailer chic.com (rewrite; there should be mentioning of this site in the main body of the report, otherwise you can’t mention a new piece of information in the conclusion + you should write “compared to”), first quarter results will be good. First we need to set up Internet site for Germany and Scandinavia.

    _ _ _ _ _
    Does "compared to" make sense in the last paragraph?
    I agree with all of your comments. It is a great critique. But in the Background paragraph, I see nothing wrong with "have seen" especially with the opening word "During". If it were not for "during", I would agree with "saw". As you probably know, in some cases Simple Past and Present Perfect are interchangeable with little or no change in meaning.

  7. #7
    Ellena is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: Help me proofread this report, please!

    Thank you so very much, billmcd!!!
    Last edited by Ellena; 28-Dec-2010 at 20:49.

  8. #8
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    Copy-editor is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Help me proofread this report, please!

    online (closed compound)

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