Hi All
I just make up my personal statement and make some improvement.
I would appreciate if you could make any comment on my SOP about:
[1]:grammar
[2]:structure of statement
[3]:whether or not the statement introduce myself clearly.

Please either give me some advice or help check my SOP.

Statement of Purpose
The curiosity and abstract thinking are the most fascinate drivers that encourage me to choose Computer Science as my career objectives and the motivation to pursue the graduate program in Computer Science at the San Jose State University.

My major is in environmental science with minor computer science during my undergraduate studies at [City Name] University of Science & Technology. It has brought me into the fascinating realm of engineering and provided me preliminary knowledge about computer science. After accessing the field of computer science, I found computing and its applications have always fascinated me. For this reason, I think it deserves me my whole life to learn and research.

In 2004 summer vocation after my sophomore year, I had chance to join an academic program about computer science minor that was open to top students who were interested in other majors each department. I spent most of my time attending a number of lectures and seminars in campus and acquired a comprehensive knowledge of computer hardware and operation system. These courses included Discrete Mathematics, C language programming and Operation System. The highly dedicated teachers taught me various concepts involved in the field of computer science. For deepening my fundamental and improving my programming skills, I had read lots of books in this field. C++ Primer and Data Structures in C++ were my favorite books. I spent a long time on figuring out all kinds of data structure and algorithms. After learning C ++, I was immediately fascinated by its broad applicability and started to apply it for solving some real-life problems. My final project in C++ class was to design a library management information system with my classmates. We did all the work together, from requirement analysis, algorithm analysis, and user-interface design to the final presentation. I obtained some hands-on experiences and knowledge from these courses although they could not cover all required courses of computer science.

During my last year of studies at university, I accepted an internship in [Company Name] Branch Software developing and research center for two months. I worked for data analysis group and maintenance with on-site trading platform. In this period, I accepted the training in the area of distributed system, data mining, and optimization. After graduating from university, in 2007 I worked for [Company Name] as a data analysis operator. My main responsibilities are maintenance system, software implementation, and troubleshooting. I acquired skills how to manage database software and implementation, which endowed me with string sensitivity to changes and progress in computer science, particularly to problems that arise out of routine work. I am known among my colleagues for my ability to ask the right questions at the right further training. Also, I found I need to learn deeply and comprehensively if I want to start my career in data mining and analysis. I am glad to say that my competence at independent research will serve me well as I try to put my ideas into practice.

In 2010 year, I enrolled into Butte College for learning computer science. The reason that I study here was I wanted to improve my background in computer science before applying for graduate program formally. In 2010 spring semester, I took four courses, they are Assembly Language, Programming in C++, Programming and Algorithms (in Java), Web Development and Programming. Proudly I was the only one to come up with an 'A' grade for all classes. In my spare time, I joined Computer Science Club as a member and helped other students programming. In 2011 spring semester, I will take data structure and algorithms from Open University in Chico State University.

If enrolled by San Jose State University, I plan to continue my scientific career in the field of networking and data mining. Department of Computer science at San Jose State University has excellent professors in which I can fully realize my scientific interests. Therefore, I truly feel that the most natural way to justify my passion is to pursue a Master Degree in Computer Science. I would regard my admission to San Jose State University not only a great honor but also as a great responsibilities and an obligation to work hard.

Sincerely