I really need help!!!!
Hi everyone! I really need help in grammar and phrasing for my personal statement! Please help me out!
Thank you for your support in advance.
I am preparing for long time to get into the good college; Pepperdine University. I am assured that I want to achieve business education at Pepperdine. My father and few of my co-workers attended Pepperdine and, I want to become like them. I have been working at a law firm called Baker&McKenzie in Tokyo after graduating from International School of Sacred Heart. My experience in both places helped me to be ready to contribute to Pepperdine. I am going to accomplish and provide diverse perspectives that we each lack and grow together.
I wanted to change. When I was in high school, I did not favor studying. I was not appreciating education enough and I rather wished to work and experience in the "real world". Since I always had business especially marketing in my mind as my future career, and had interested in law, I challenged myself to apply for an internship in Business and Marketing department at Baker&McKenzie. It is been the most memorable accomplishment, contribution and experience in 10 years of my life. I absorbed countless things such as time, diversity and connection importance. I am confident that the ideas I assimilated would help me when I am learning at Pepperdine because I have broad views and ideas that many students do not have yet. My experience urged me to study business and law more. I have worked at different places but I believe that those two fields are my interests.
I met two Pepperdine alumnae at Baker&Mckenzie; a lawyer and a business coordinator. They made me aspire to attend Pepperdine more and become like one of them especially the Business Coordinator. My father also attended Pepperdine. What I am positive is that they are not just smart. They have independence and have individuality. They are also so confident and proud about themselves. I want to contribute by being one of the admirable representatives of Pepperdine.
Before I was employed at Baker&McKenzie, I attended International School of Sacred Heart. I was there for 10 years contributing to Christianity. Although, I am technically not a Christian, I have always believed in Christianity. Therefore, I want to continue being in a Christianity community and, contribute and develop my faith in god. Other than Christianity, I gained the essence of diversity at my school. Not only about nationalities but diversity in opinions and characters are what makes this world diverse. I can bring different views, Japanese traditions and cultures to Pepperdine.
Although I have plans and ideas about my future, it might change during college years. However, at this moment, I have my plans and dreams that makes me passionate about my life. Also I am certain that I want to attend Pepperdine. My diversity, passion, experience and perspectives will contribute to Pepperdine. At the same time, I will gain countless things that I could only gain in college and grow as a sophisticated person.
Re: I really need help!!!!
Originally Posted by leia624
Re: I really need help!!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS!!!!
It was so helpful and I really appriciate it.
You're an amazing teacher, even helping out others on the internet!
Again, Thank you so much!!!!!