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  1. #1
    dilruk336 is offline Newbie
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    IELTS Essay BAND 7.0 ?

    What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice

    Since the beginning of the human civilization man made thousands of new innovations. One of the most important discovery made my human was finding the outer space. The rest of my essay guide why this discovery such a important to man kind.
    With parallel to the increase number of population there is scarcity of natural resources such like pure air and water. Even the most part of the world fill with the water only few percentage of them can be use by humans. In order to build residents for the people there is no enough free space left and cannot met high demand for the foods. Once human try to utilize the remaining resources in order to full fill their requirements caused drastic environmental changes. Recently scientists discovered some planet may contain pure air and water which human being can live their. So this new discovery solve the problem of resource scarcity.
    Other than that human learned lot of technology and able to find solution for some unknown questions existed among people such like how the earth began and when etc. Scientists made massive projects to outer space which worth millions of money and some of them are working in outer space for further experiments. By doing those they obtained huge amount of subject related knowledge and tremendous experience.
    In near future population can expand in to outer space , even the normal people can travel there and full fill their requirements. Due to the above mentioned facts the greatest discovery made by humans are finding the outer space .

    Im preparing for IELTS in next month.This is my first essay.Please grade it for me ? Is this suite for BAND 7.0 ?
    your responses are highly

    tnx

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: IELTS Essay BAND 7.0 ?

    I'm afraid I would say this is quite a bit lower than band 7.

  3. #3
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    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Re: IELTS Essay BAND 7.0 ?

    Quote Originally Posted by dilruk336 View Post
    What discovery in the last 100 years has been most beneficial for people in your country? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice
    Quote Originally Posted by dilruk336 View Post

    Since the beginning of the human civilization man has made thousands of new innovations [That's a tautology. An innovation is, by definition, new] . One of the most important discoveries made by humans was finding the outer space. The rest of my essay guide why this discovery such a important to man kind.
    [The question asks you to explain why this is beneficial to your country, not to mankind. This section (task achievement) could be marked as a 3 – failure to address the task]

    With parallel to the increase number of population there is scarcity of natural resources such like pure air and water. Even the most part of the world fill with the water only few percentage of them can be use by humans. In order to build residents for the people there is no enough free space left and cannot met high demand for the foods. Once human try to utilize the remaining resources in order to full fill their requirements caused drastic environmental changes. Recently scientists discovered some planet may contain pure air and water which human being can live their. So this new discovery solve the problem of resource scarcity.
    Other than that human learned lot of technology and able to find solution for some unknown questions existed among people such like how the earth began and when etc. Scientists made massive projects to outer space which worth millions of money and some of them are working in outer space for further experiments. By doing those they obtained huge amount of subject related knowledge and tremendous experience.
    In near future population can expand in to outer space , even the normal people can travel there and full fill their requirements. Due to the above mentioned facts the greatest discovery made by humans are finding the outer space .

    Im preparing for IELTS in next month.This is my first essay.Please grade it for me ? Is this suite for BAND 7.0 ?
    your responses are highly

    tnx
    See here for the descriptors:
    https://www.teachers.cambridgeesol.org/ts/digitalAssets/113300_public_writing_band_descriptors.pdf

    This is at about level 4 overall, in my judgement.
    Last edited by Raymott; 06-Jan-2011 at 09:37.

  4. #4
    maddy1 is offline Newbie
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    Re: IELTS Essay BAND 7.0 ?

    Other than that, there is no structure in the essay. You need to have a sound structure. It will be a 4.5 essay

  5. #5
    dilruk336 is offline Newbie
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    Re: IELTS Essay BAND 7.0 ?

    hi all,

    tnx a lot for your opinions.Il try to improve the writing skill by writing a lot.
    Hope you can guide me for BAND 7.0.

    tnx a lot

  6. #6
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: IELTS Essay BAND 7.0 ?

    You could start by getting rid of the tnx stuff and writing in normal English at all times with capital letters and punctuation, etc.

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