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  1. #1
    zannas is offline Newbie
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    Arrow Write in correct english

    Hi to all, I want to write in correct english this little text:
    What is it this application?


    Would you like more friends?
    Would you like to know how pretty are you?
    Would you like to being added from people that think that you are pretty and cute?
    Try this app and share it to your friends!
    You can choose if your friends can vote your photos and if people can add you or not :)
    Our algorithm can say how much beautiful are you with a confidence of 95,4%, it is mathematically and scientifically proven.
    With this application you can vote and find the most beautiful girls/boys of Facebook and know new people that you like.
    You can add and being added from lot of new people!
    Also, if you want, you can see how much pretty are you.... Good Luck!

    How much it cost?

    Nothing! Totally Free! Enter for know new people or to know if you are pretty!
    What you need?

    For enter you need only a Facebook's account: because we need to know if you are a boy or a girl, you must have set your sex (male or female) and if you want to be voted, you should have at least one foto where you are tagged ;)

    What you have to know

    1 credit = 1 votes for your photo
    For each photo that you vote, you receive 1 credit
    For these Beta-day version, if you entry you will receive 10 credits = 10 votes for free

    Please can you help me to find a mistakes?
    It isn't homework, and i finish school then I haven't a teacher that can see this. Thank you

  2. #2
    birdeen's call is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Write in correct english

    I'll correct what I'm sure needs it. Note that I know nothing about Facebook, adding people and voting photos. I'll use the color green to highlight the parts I'm unable to understand.

    What is it this application for?

    Would you like to have more friends?
    Would you like to know how pretty are you are?
    Would you like to being added by people who think that you are pretty and cute?
    Try this app and share it with your friends!
    It's up to you whether your friends are allowed to vote your photos. You can also choose whether to allow people to add you or not. (period) (Is it necessary to distinguish between "friends" and "people" here? :)
    Our algorithm can say how much beautiful are you are with a confidence of 95,4%. It is mathematically and scientifically proven. (I have no idea what you mean by this. But I guess it's not a problem. I'm not the person you're aiming at.)
    With this application you can vote and find the most beautiful girls/boys of Facebook and get to know new many nice people that you like.
    You can add and being added by a lot of new people!
    Also, if you want, you can see how much pretty are you are... Good Luck!

    How much does it cost?

    Nothing! It's totally free! Enter to meet new people or to learn if you are pretty!

    What do I need?

    To enter you need only a Facebook's account. because We need to know whether you are a boy or a girl, so you must have set your sex (male or female) and if you want to be voted, you should have at least one photo where you are tagged ;)

    What do I have to know?

    1 credit = 1 votes for your photo
    For each photo that you vote, you receive 1 credit.
    In this Beta-day version, if you enter, you will receive 10 credits = 10 votes for free.
    Last edited by birdeen's call; 06-Jan-2011 at 02:11.

  3. #3
    zannas is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Write in correct english

    Quote Originally Posted by birdeen's call View Post
    I'll correct what I'm sure needs it. Note that I know nothing about Facebook, adding people and voting photos. I'll use the color green to highlight the parts I'm unable to understand.
    thank you very much!
    tomorrow I'll go to read better..
    now I have a little question: what is the differences between "if" and "whether"?

  4. #4
    birdeen's call is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Write in correct english

    Quote Originally Posted by zannas View Post
    Thank you very much!
    Tomorrow I'll go to read better..
    Now I have a little question: what is the differences between "if" and "whether"?
    Please start every sentence with a capital letter.

    You'll find a lot of information about "if" and "whether" here: if whether difference - Google Search

  5. #5
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Write in correct english

    "Our algorithm can say how much beautiful are you are with a confidence of 95,4%." ==> "... how beautiful you are with 95.4% certainty".

    Note: North Americans (and Brits/Australians?) use a point for decimals; Europeans use a comma. I assume you want to target the first group.

    "For each photo that you vote on, you receive 1 credit."

    "In this Beta-day version" ==> it's "beta version"



    General comments on word choice:


    "the most beautiful girls/boys of Facebook" ==> using "boys and girls" sounds like you're targeting children. Teenagers or adults don't think of themselves as boys and girls. It also sounds kind of creepy.

    "pretty" ==> Men don't want to be pretty; if your target includes males, you need to use a different adjective. Most people doing this voting stuff want to be "hot" or "sexy".

    Same for "beautiful". Men (and boys) are generally not described as "beautiful".

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