This is about the fourth time you have posted this, sweetflower.
It must be frustrating for you that you haven't received an answer that is to your liking yet, but please don't clog up the system with multple posts.
I for one, did not respond; this because probably the person best qualified to tell you if your words are appropriate is your supervisor. No matter what anyone on this forum advises, it is your supervisor who has the final say.
- For Teachers