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  1. #1
    kazewolf is offline Junior Member
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    Default Paragraphs check

    G'day,
    I have a few paragraphs that needs checking to see if there is anything wrong.

    Black Holes has a temperature; any object that has a temperature emits radiation, emitting radiation means loosing mass. Black hole radiations is also called as Hawking's Radiation.

    Space around the black hole is usually colder. Hot flows into colder objects, therefore the space's heat flows into the black hole because black hole has a lower temperature. In addition with the black holes constant absorbing of matter, so therefore the black holes absorb more energy than they lose them.

    When space expands enough, eventually the temperature around the black hole will become colder than the black hole. Remember hot flows to colder object? So black hole's heat will be radiated into space, eventually the black hole will evaporate but this cycle will take a long time.

    Thank you.

  2. #2
    birdeen's call is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Paragraphs check

    Hi, kazewolf,

    I like the way you write; it's very clear. Even though there are some mistakes, most of the text is easy to understand.

    I have a couple of remarks. Please try to rewrite your text according to them.

    1) Remember that "hot" is not a noun. It's an adjective. You used it as a noun in more than one place.

    2) "Space around the black hole is usually colder." Colder than what?

    3) "black hole has a lower temperature." Lower than what?

    4) "Remember hot flows to colder object?" How do we make questions in English?

    5) There is a number of simple grammar mistakes in the text. I think you are able to spot them yourself.

    I'm sure someone will correct your rewritten text. (They may even do this before you rewrite it!)
    Last edited by birdeen's call; 16-Jan-2011 at 23:47.

  3. #3
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Paragraphs check

    I would also note that "loose" and "lose" are not the same word. You mean "losing mass" not "loosing mass."

  4. #4
    kazewolf is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Paragraphs check

    Thanks a lot guys. Yes I can find some mistakes like the wording but as for sentences starting off with a conjunction, I don't know what words to replace the conjunction with.
    Like this sentence,"So black hole's heat will be radiated into space, eventually the black hole will evaporate but this cycle will take a long time." I do not know what to replace "So".

    I am not sure what is wrong with the sentence "Remember hot flows to cold?" Am i supposed to replace the question mark with a full stop?
    Is it supposed to be like this?
    Remember that hot substance flows to a colder substance.

    Do you people find my sentences fragmented? I am not very sure myself.

    Thanks a lot guys.

  5. #5
    hermeneuo.com is offline Newbie
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    Smile Re: Paragraphs check

    Black Hholes has have a temperature;
    • There is no reason to capitalize black holes. However, we always capitalize the first letter in a sentence.
    • We should use have instead of has because Black Holes is in the plural.

    Black hole radiations is also called known as Hawking's Radiation.
    • The word radiation is always singular, because it is an uncountable noun.
    • We don't use the word as with the verb call. However, we use the word as in the phrase be known as.

    Space around the black holes is usually colder.
    • Above, you referred to black holes. Here, you write the black hole. However, we are talking about black holes in general, and so we should use the plural.


    Hot Heat flows into colder objects, therefore the space's heat heat from surrounding space flows into the a black hole because the black hole has a lower temperature.
    • The previous post explains that heat is a noun and hot is an adjective.
    • We should use the article a when we introduce something for the first time, like this example black hole. Afterwards we will use the article the because the reader already knows that the example black hole is being discussed.
    • Again, we should tell the reader what kind of space is being talked about before using definite articles.


    In addition, with the because black holes constantly absorbing of matter, so therefore the black holes they absorb more energy than they lose them.
    We should use a comma after conjunctives like in addition at the beginning of a sentence.
    We used adverbs, usually ending in -ly, to describe verb forms like absorbing, absorb, absorbs. We use adjectives to describe nouns like absorption. So it would be constantly absorb(-ing), but constant absorption.
    Last edited by hermeneuo.com; 17-Jan-2011 at 01:08. Reason: get rid of red face

  6. #6
    kazewolf is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Paragraphs check

    Thanks Herm for the corrections. It will take me a while to digest them :)

  7. #7
    hermeneuo.com is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Paragraphs check

    You're very welcome. I'll try to answer your other questions.

    Like this sentence,"So black hole's heat will be radiated into space, eventually the black hole will evaporate but this cycle will take a long time." I do not know what to replace "So".
    We can use thus and therefore at the beginning of a sentence, it is considered better stylistically than so (especially in the written language).

    I am not sure what is wrong with the sentence "Remember hot flows to cold?" Am i supposed to replace the question mark with a full stop?
    It depends if the sentence is a question for the reader (do you remember?) or a command (please remember). For example:
    • Remember, hot flows to cold. (remember the comma after the command remember, and to end the sentence with a full stop).
    • Hot flows to cold, remember? (perhaps someone can explain the various ways that we could form a question here).


    Do you people find my sentences fragmented? I am not very sure myself.
    Black holes are a complicated subject and so some fragmentation is to be expected.

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