can someone help me edit ?

whats do i need improving on ?

  • spelling ?

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  • grammar ?

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jaytee

New member
Joined
Jan 23, 2011
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Choosing just one favorite person really isn't easy to do. Hands down Javaun James would have to be my favorite person. Most people would say there mom , dad or close relative but to me its my best friend. Javaun is not just my favorite person because hes my best friend. It's the way we connect and inspire each other. Not every day you find someone who inspires you to do positive activities.

He's a leader not a follower. That's exactly why we're close.If he knows somethings not right , he'll tell me so i won't get hurt or in trouble. I can't really explain how awful life would be if I never met him. There's no one in the world that i feel more comfortable with plus I feel that I can trust him with anything.

Truth be told I've considered Javaun as my favorite person for a long time now. I mean he's been there for me when i could
hardly keep me head up. He has given me so much support in becoming who and what I am today. Our interest are so similar and he always seems to know exactly how I'm feeling. I have much respect for him just because he has been there for me.

Javaun inspires me to do my best and I inspire him to do his.To be honest if it wasn't for him i don't think I could get through my tough days. I'm pretty sure this kid and I will stick together through thick and thin no matter what. Now don't get me wrong we have our down days when we argue and don't want to look at each other. I can still tell he cares and worries about me.

Trust is key to our friendship. It's the reason why were still friends because I can trust him with anything. I know he wouldn't
lie to me or hold anything back. Nothing can separate us no matter how rough things are we always seem to work it out. So there it is Javaun James is my inspiration thats why I'd pick him as my favorite person.
 

JMurray

Key Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2010
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
English
Home Country
New Zealand
Current Location
Australia
Hi jaytee. The main problem with your text is that it's made up of too many short sentences. I have tried to join some of these with "and" or "but" and the use of commas to make some longer sentences. I think you can see that it reads better without so many stops and starts. You should also remember that when referring to yourself it is always a capital "I", never "i". I hope this helps. My changes are in red.

Choosing just one favorite person really isn't easy to do. Hands down, Javaun James would have to be my favorite person. Most people would say their mom, dad or a close relative, but to me it's Javaun who is my best friend. He is not just my favorite person because he's my best friend, it's also the way we connect and inspire each other. It's not every day you find someone who inspires you to do positive activities.

Javaun is a leader not a follower and that's exactly why we're close. If he knows something's not right, he'll tell me so I won't get hurt or in trouble. I can't really explain how awful life would be if I had never met him. There's no one in the world that I feel more comfortable with and I know that I can trust him with anything.

Truth be told, I've considered Javaun as my favorite person for a long time now. I mean, he's been there for me when I could hardly keep my head up and he has given me so much support in becoming who and what I am today. Our interests are so similar and he always seems to know exactly how I'm feeling. I have so much respect for him just because he has been there for me.

Javaun inspires me to do my best and I inspire him to do his. To be honest, if it wasn't for him I don't think I could get through my tough days. I'm pretty sure this kid and I will stick together through thick and thin no matter what. Now don't get me wrong, we have our down days when we argue and don't want to look at each other, but I can still tell he cares and worries about me.

Trust is the key to our friendship and it's the reason why we're still friends. I can trust him with anything and I know he wouldn't lie to me or hold anything back. Nothing can separate us, no matter how rough things are we always seem to work it out. So there it is, Javaun James is my inspiration, that's why I'd pick him as my favorite person.
 
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