A Geordie miner injures himself and gets sent to the hospital, staying in a wheelchair for several weeks. When he finally begins to retain a semblance of mobility, the doctor checks up on him.
"Well, Billy, you've made excellent progress these past few weeks and now it's time to try and walk again."
Billy, flabbergasted, replies to the doctor: "Work? Nee chance o' that doc, a cannit even waak!"(found here)
A battle takes place in a remote plain in South Africa in the Boer War, between equally matched British and Boer armies. As the Boer hordes advance, a Geordie officer asks the major what he expects of the troops' morale.
"Hmm, I'm not so sure about our lads when it comes to the crunch. The Boers have war drums."
The young officer quickly replies "The thieving bastards!"*
* "our" in Geordie speech sounds like "war".
- For Teachers