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  1. #1
    wbsxe is offline Newbie
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    Post could you please someone edit my essay for me?

    could you please leave me some advices also?

    There are two genders in this world, which are female and male. Typically, the female and male are not equal even after the women’s movement. According to the article, Sabo discussed the relationship between sports and male sexuality. He believes that men are seen as jocks, women are seen as opponents, dating as scoring, and dating became sports. However, as time passed by, things became change.
    Since late 19th century, there were more and more movements toward gender equality and developed based on women’s liberation or feminism, especially in Western countries. There are many ways to show it. For instance, women used to stay at home, take care of children, and do chores. However, women attend to different kinds of activities, play sports and receive education. Moreover, there are now no longer certain jobs or places that are closed to women. A large number of business women, female doctors, scientists are considerably increasing. So I am sure the day will come soon, when women can get equal rights.
    In the same manner, they can call each other as partners when a woman and a man are in a relationship. I believe that partner means each member has equal status. They should respect and depend on each other. For example, when I cook at home, I have to prepare vegetable, meat, or other materials before put this things into the frying pan. It should add the amount of salt, sugar, vinegar, or other sources and mix them well with vegetable and meat before I take them out of the frying pan. Similarly, as two people in a relationship, the cook materials could be the factors why two people attract from each together. The salt, sugar, Monosodium or other sources can represent both of them. With this in mind, what will be happened if there is too much salt in the dish? It will be extremely salty. This looks like when two people do not get well with each other, they might put too much salt or sugar in their dish. As Sabo talked that people lived under a patriarchy society, women is in a passive and lower position than men in a relationship. Conversely, when two people do not get along well with each other, they might put too much salt or sugar in their dish. When a man and a woman are in a relationship, they need to be corporation instead of against each other.
    To sum up, I do not agree with the idea of Sabo’s. I think when two people get together; they should be respect and love each other, and seriously. It is normal to have a disagreement in a relationship, to be patient and listen to your partner.

  2. #2
    JMurray is offline Key Member
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    Re: could you please someone edit my essay for me?

    Hi wbsxe. Your text seems to have been sitting here for a while so I'll try and help you out. Apart from the many small errors in grammar etc, it has a lot of repetition of phrases and the cooking analogy gets too complicated. These are problems with style and can be improved just as you can improve spelling and grammar. The overall meaning of your text is clear but maybe you should try and express things in a simpler manner. I hope you like the edit.

    There are two genders in this world, female and male. Typically, the female and male are not equal, even after the women’s movement. In his article Sabo discusses the relationship between sports and male sexuality. He believes that men were seen as jocks, women seen as opponents, and dating became scoring, as in a sport. However, as time passed by things began to change.
    Since the late 19th century, there has been more and more movement towards gender equality based on women’s liberation or feminism, especially in Western countries. There are many ways to show this. For instance, women used to stay at home, take care of the children and do chores. However, women now take part in many different kinds of activities, play sport and receive education. Moreover, there are now no longer certain jobs or places that are closed to women. The number of business women, female doctors and scientists is considerably increasing. So I am sure the day will soon come when women can get equal rights.
    In the same manner, when a woman and a man are in a relationship, they can treat each other as partners. I believe that a partnership means each member has equal status and they should respect and depend on each other. For example, when I cook at home I have to prepare vegetables, meat, and other items before putting these things into the frying pan. I should add salt, sugar, vinegar, or other ingredients and mix them well with the vegetables and meat before I take them out of the frying pan. Similarly, for two people in a relationship, the cooking ingredients could be a factor in why they are attracted to each other. The salt and sugar etc, could represent both of them. With this in mind, what will happen if there is too much salt in the dish? It will be extremely salty. This is like when two people do not get along with each other, they might put too much salt or sugar in their dish. Sabo talks about people living under a patriarchal society, where women are in a passive and lower position than men in a relationship. When a man and a woman are in a relationship, they need to cooperate instead of being against each other.
    To sum up, I do not agree with these ideas of Sabo’s. I think that when two people get together they should genuinely respect and love each other. It is normal to have a disagreement in a relationship, but also to be patient and listen to your partner.

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