Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Helppppppp!!!

  1. #1
    Studentf is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like

    Angry Helppppppp!!!

    ESL teacher said I have some grammatical mistakes, but everything looks fine to me. can someone pleaseeee help me spot them.

    Gwazi, a childish yet bizarre and intimidating name for a rollercoaster. Made completely out of wood, Gwazi is a rollercoaster located in Bush Gardens; a fun and adventurous family amusement park. The line for that ride was eternal, people where really thrilled to get there; I, however, did not share their enthusiasm, all I could do was stare at every wooden board and every screw, and watch as Gwazi shook and vibrated. The line kept moving up and with five people in front of me, I knew I was one of the next victims. The guard noticed I was a bit scared so he emphasized how secure and well constructed it was. He also pointed out how they have never had any accidents in the 5 years running. Somehow he managed to tranquilize me for a couple seconds, but when the time came and I set down in that car, and that lap bar came over me it was a whole new world.

  2. #2
    JMurray is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • New Zealand
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,643
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Helppppppp!!!

    Hi Studentf. A couple of my changes are suggestions rather than corrections.

    Gwazi, it's a childish yet bizarre and intimidating name for a rollercoaster. Made completely out of wood, Gwazi is a rollercoaster located in Bush Gardens, a fun and adventurous family amusement park. The line for that ride seemed endless, people were really thrilled to get there. I, however, did not share their enthusiasm. All I could do was stare at every wooden board and every screw, and watch as Gwazi shook and vibrated. The line kept moving up, and with five people in front of me I knew I was one of the next victims. The guard noticed I was a bit scared so he emphasized how secure and well constructed it was. He also pointed out how they had not had any accidents for 5 years running. Somehow he managed to tranquilize me for a couple of seconds, but when the time came and I sat down in that car, and that lap bar came over me, it was a whole new world.

  3. #3
    Studentf is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    3
    Post Thanks / Like

    Smile Re: Helppppppp!!!

    hey JMurray thanks for the help, I think everything makes sense. I think thats what my teacher wanted.

  4. #4
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,168
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Helppppppp!!!

    Please try in future to use a title to your thread that give us some idea of what it's about - for example, 'Spot my mistakes'.

  5. #5
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    13,984
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Helppppppp!!!

    Additionally, that's Busch Gardens.

    And the guy wouldn't tranquilize you - he'd reassure or calm you.

    Rover

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk