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    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Please, would you proofread my short story

    This is the fourth part of my short story "Women" , please, would you proofread it.

    Two weeks later, Anna invited him for a cup of coffee. There, in her little, cosy flat, Leif sat for the first time in his life alone with a woman who was not a member of his family. He was both anxious and excited. His heart pounded fast and his mouth went dry as parchment despite the coffee he was drinking. He sat in one armchair and Anna in another, across from him.

    She wore a short skirt and Leif's eyes fell over her shapely legs and lingered, without him being able to fully control the movements of his eyes. The same desire he had felt so many times in the past had started to grow inside him again. There was only a table with a glass surface which separated him from her body and in his mind he saw himself removing all objects and obstacles and reaching that part of Anna's body which he wanted more than anything.

    He strained to follow her narrative. She told him that she was doing her last term in the nursing school. In her life she had tried her luck at different jobs, but now she felt that a job in health care should suit her best. He was unable to pay attention to everything she had said, but instead focused on her bright, red lipstick on her thick lips, which reminded Leif of two cherries he wanted to suck into his mouth and feel their sweetness for hours.
    She then talked about more personal things like love, feelings and relations and admitted that she had many men in the past, but she never thought about marriage or giving birth.

    When she asked Leif about his own life, Leif face turned scarlet. Her question caught him unawares, and for a second, he did not know what to say. His first thought was to tell her a lie, a story about his "imaginary" girlfriends, but he knew that he was never able to lie and he blurted out, "I've never had a girlfriend!"

    He expected to hear a burst of laughter, but instead, she slowly put her coffee cup on the table and said in a calm voice, "Such men are rare nowadays."
    Leif's body began burning as if someone had put fire on it. He felt ashamed -an inexperienced student talking to a master. However, Anna seemed not to pay much attention to the fact that he was still a virgin and skillfully turned their discussion to the other, less sensitive topics, which helped Leif to regain control over his senses again. Then she rose, walked into another room and came back with two photograph albums.

    She told Leif to join her on the sofa where they could browse through the albums together. He sat beside her and smelled shampoo emanating from her hair. The warmth of her tights penetrated his trousers and he felt as if that warmth was coming into his veins and spreading through his body.
    She had opened the album, pointing at the photographs of herself and her family members, but they blurred in Leif'e eyes and what he saw clear were her elegant fingers with a few rings and red fingernails. His eyes glanced at her breasts partly hidden behind the close-fitting pink dress which moved slowly to the rhythm of her breathing. He had a hard erection and felt if she just touched his organ he would ejaculate.

    TO BE CONTINUED
    Last edited by Bassim; 09-Feb-2011 at 18:10.

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