Hi IAM 84,
Sorry, I can't comment on task 1 because there is no table attached here look at.
Send me a message if you still need feedback for task 1.
- Your word count (338) is too long with not much to say about the topic. Aim at least 250-275 words.
- Compare the edited version and see the highlited words. Notice that I deleted some sentences in paragraphs 3 and in the conclusion.
- You have discussed both views. However, you failed to give more arguments for both sides. Your discussion centered only on training or practice. What about outside factors like influence of parents or peers, or idols. What about economic status?
Coherence and cohesion:
- You have used here cohesive devices like nowadays, moreover etc., but you only used most of them to within paragraphs. You should have utilized them more as well for transition between paragraphs to create a fluid flow of ideas from one to another.
- You didn't use words that will use your range of vocabulary. Use synonyms, antonyms to vary use of words. Instead of saying "born talented" again in another sentence, you can say "naturally gifted" instead.
Grammar range and Accuracy:
- I spotted more errors here than in other criteria. Watch out for confusing words like loose. Loose is an adjective. Lose is a verb.
- Be consistent with your tense.
You need to practise more and familiarize yourself of these marking criteria in IELTS writing.
For me it is 5.5 to 6.
Due to time constraint, (going to work) I made a rough edited version:
Good luck on your test:
Nowadays, there are many people who areconsidered very successful in their sport or music careers. Michael Jackson, John Lenon, Messi and so on are good examples.. They are people who were born with a natural talent. But, there are many others such as Rafael Nadal, Jack Johnson who had been training their skills since they were kids. This is why it is often claimed that not only talented people can be successful, but also kids can learn skills, habits and methods to be good at singing or doing sport.
Firstly, kids learn faster than adults, and we can consider many reasons: For instance, they do not have fear because they did not experience a bad situation before. Another factor which contributes to learn faster is that they do not have previous bad habits so they do not need to correct bad techniques, and so on. It is common to see on the music TV programs how teachers constantly correct the prospective singers.
With regards to people who are naturally gifted, they also need to train and develop their own skills. Although they have more abilities and more advantages than others, they cannot be relaxed. They have to work hard to take advantage of their natural talent because nowadays, there is a stiff competition in the music or the sport field. Moreover, if they do not develop well their talents, they will probably lose them or they will not improve at all.
In conclusion, people improve and succeed in their chosen fields because of hard workd and determination.
word count: 258
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