motivation letter for university (urgent help please)

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bobiejoefred

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I urgently need help with my letter to the University, Can someone please help me with my grammer and structuring my sentences right thankyou, im trying to get into a foundation course for commerce but my grades werent exactly the best last year because i was going through some difficulties but realise now that uni would be best for me.

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[23/02/2011]

75 St David Street
University of Otago
Dunedin 9016

DearSir/Madam

I am here by applying for entrance to the foundation year in commerce at The University of Otago for June 2011 – February 2012.

Built in 1869 the University of Otago is the oldest university in New Zealand, having now 20,000 students enrolled in, not only from New Zealand but from 100 countries across the globe. The University of Otago is recognized around the world for bringing out the full potential of its students to succeed and excel in they studies and to graduate with excellence. Studying the foundation course of commerce at The University of Otago will be helpful to achieve with the highest grade to further my studies in commerce so I can pursue my career in marketing. Since college I have always had an interest in marketing as I find it intriguing which gives me self motivation to do well.

Studying both I.T. and business has given me background knowledge to be comfortable with the work I will be given and to perform at my very best to pass at a high standard and to be an exceptional student at the University. As my academic results for 2010 are poor as I was dealing with family issues, I have since than re-developed myself and have conquered my issues to move forward in life. I am now self motivated, determined, focus and strive to achieve my goals no matter what confronts me on the way. I am opened minded and adapt easily to new environments.

I find that studying business studies at college has given me an upper hand of what to expect in the world of marketing and what the world of marketing will expect from me. Unfortunately at the time I was studying business I was distracted by family matters and could not put in my full concentration and effort into my team that was required but later on overcame my problems. I am positive that I will be a successful and determined student at your university and apply myself to defeat any challenge given to me.

It would be an honor to study at a well respected University like Otago. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to apply and look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

Cameron
 

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[23/02/2011]

75 St David Street
University of Otago
Dunedin 9016

DearSir/Madam,

I am hereby applying for entrance to the foundation year in commerce at The University of Otago for June 2011 – February 2012.

[STRIKE]Built in 1869 the University of Otago is the oldest university in New Zealand, having now 20,000 students enrolled in, not only from New Zealand but from 100 countries across the globe. [/STRIKE] (They already know this.)The University of Otago is recognized around the world for bringing out the full potential of its students to succeed and excel in their studies and to graduate with excellence. Studying the foundation course of commerce at your university will help me to achieve the highest grade to further my studies in commerce so I can pursue my career in marketing. Since college I have always had an interest in marketing as I find it intriguing which gives me self-motivation to do well.

Studying both I.T. and business has given me background knowledge to be comfortable with the work I will be given and to perform at my very best to pass at a high standard and to be an exceptional student at the university. As my academic results for 2010 are poor as I was dealing with family issues, I have since than re-developed myself and have conquered my issues to move forward in life. I am now self-motivated, determined, focused and strive to achieve my goals no matter what confronts me on the way. I am open-minded and adapt easily to new environments.

I find that studying business studies at college has given me an insight into what to expect in the world of marketing and what the world of marketing will expect from me. Unfortunately at the time I was studying business I was distracted by family matters and could not put [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] my full concentration and effort into my team that was required but I later on overcame my problems. I am positive that I will be a successful and determined student at your university and apply myself to face any challenge given to me.

It would be an honor to study at a well-respected university like Otago. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to apply and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

Cameron
 
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