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  1. #1
    Ferdie11's Avatar
    Ferdie11 is offline Member
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    Could you please check the grammar, structure and style

    Dear All,
    Could you please help the grammar, structure and style

    Tell me about yourself.
    After I graduated with a BS in Computer Science at University of Berk, I worked as a Technical Support Specialist at Accent Technologies, where I was responsible for providing technical support to our external clients. As a contractual, I stayed there for 5 months. I learned a lot about hardware troubleshooting and maintenance and how to work effectively with my colleagues.
    Now, I’m currently working as a Service Desk Analyst at GBT Solutions, where I work in a team. One of our basic roles is to provide technical support for all the internal users. I have successfully been working there for more than 2 years. Now, I’m ready for a more challenging job where I can fully utilize my skills and abilities. That’s why I applied for this position.

    What is your memorable accomplishment?
    My memorable accomplishment would be when my team lead asked me to create the procedure on how to operate this online ticketing system. I was not that experienced when it comes to creating software procedures and I was somehow new to the team that time but he trusted me to do it. Because of the easy-to-understand procedure, the operators easily learned how to operate it, so it helped lessen our workload.
    Where do you see yourself in five years?
    My goal is that in five years I will be working in a supervisory position in this company provided that I will work hard and do my best. I see being here to continue not only to build my expertise but continue making a contribution.
    What are your strengths?
    One of my biggest strengths is my proactivity in solving problems. In my current job, I resolve technical issues that our users have. For instance, a user calls us asking for assistance with his issues connecting to the company’s network and I cannot resolve the problems with the information at hand, I always ask for the user’s contact number for me to call him back once I get the information I need to fix the issue.
    My other strengths are I have the ability to learn quickly and have positive attitude. I believe in myself and have self-confidence. I am a team player and able to handle failures and learn from my mistakes.
    What are your weaknesses?
    When I just started my current job, I didn’t know how to handle irate customers. I always get worried when I encounter such customers. But then, I read some articles on the Internet about handling angry customers on the telephone and I practiced. And I acquired some good strategies on how to turn angry, frustrated customers into satisfied ones.
    Why are you looking for a new job?
    I’ve been with GBT Solutions for more than two years and I’ve enjoyed working there. I learned a lot about technical support, how to deal with different customers and how to work effectively with my colleagues.
    Now, I’m applying for this position because this would give me more responsibility and would allow me to fully use my knowledge and skills to do challenging work. This position is also the opportunity for growth and advancement. I think that my skills and abilities are a good match for this job.

    Many thanks in advance.
    Last edited by Ferdie11; 08-Mar-2011 at 06:38.

  2. #2
    EnglishRyan's Avatar
    EnglishRyan is offline Junior Member
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    Re: Could you please check the grammar, structure and style

    Looks pretty good to me. I take it this is for an interview?

    I'd suggest just a slight tweak to make yu sound a bit more professional. Change:

    'My goal is that in five years I will be working in a supervisory position in this company provided that I will work hard and do my best.'

    to:

    'In five years, I see myself working as a supervisor provided my hard work and dedication meet the company's standards.'

    Good luck!

    Ryan

  3. #3
    Ferdie11's Avatar
    Ferdie11 is offline Member
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      • Philippines
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    Re: Could you please check the grammar, structure and style

    Thank you EnglishRyan.

    So the whole paragraph would look like this:

    In five years, I see myself working as a supervisor provided my hard work and dedication meet the company's standards. And I see being here to continue not only to build my expertise but continue making a contribution.


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