*only an assistant ESL teacher
Dear Office of Financial Aid,
I appreciate the generous financial aid award letter I received this year, but I still cannot afford to attend St. John’s University.
I am writing this letter to ask you to please reconsider [STRIKE]in [/STRIKE] your decision
toabout my financial aid. I've been having a lot of family problems. For a whilethe past year my mother has had a medical condition that makes her unable to work. Her legs areShe was diagnosed ofwith ____, that ismeans she couldcannot stand for a long time due to the pain. Her health condition made her couldn’t stand for a long time.(redundant) As a result, she could notis unable to work.
dadfather became the only working person in my family to work. Since he is not highly educated, he does not have a high-paying paidjob and as a result his monthly income is very low. In addition, at the end of thelast year, my parents bought the apartment we are living now. Buying anBecause of the apartment, my family members and I areis $300,000 dollarsin debt from borrowing money from relatives. What my parents usually do is to cut daily expenses and try to pay off their debts. (We have been cutting daily expenses to try to pay off our debts.) Also, I have a brother who iswill be going to college very soon.
With these financial problems, my family is struggling to pay everyday bills. Therefore, my family is unable to borrow additional
loan fundsmoney (or unable to take out additional loans) on my behalf.
To prove that
I am not Paying lip service and(too slangy for a formal letter) I am a responsible person, I am taking four AP classes this year and self-studying one AP subject at home. I hope that doing well on the seexams for these courses will help me to minimize the burden of paying for college.
I am also
feelanxious to find a part-time job (more than one part time jobif needed). Because I want to do my best in myhigh school year, especially since I have not been here for a long time, I need to put more effort into to preparing for college. (You'll want to reword that last sentence.) This is why I have not gotten did not take havea part-time job yet. In the coming school year, I will and feelbe anxious to look for a job since it can ease my financial burden and allow me to gain work experience. (This last sentence is redundant.)
overcamehave overcome many problems in the past yearsto adjust to thelife stylein New York City. Now it isGoing to St. John's University is the last step to make my dream come true. Financial aid is my only hope to get a good education. I hope St. John’s University will help me to go throughbe able to receive it.
With all sincerity, I would like to request the financial aid committee to re-evaluate my financial aid package and make some adjustments so that I can afford my education. Without this enormous blessing I will be unable to attend school.Therefore, I ask for your utmost regard when it comes to reinstating (reinstating means you had it and they took it away. Maybe you mean "deciding on") my financial aid.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
I wonder if you could leave out or reword the part about the apartment.
They may wonder why your family needed/chose such an expensive apartment to buy instead of renting a cheaper one.
My response is probably too late, but I hope not. Good luck getting what you need.