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  1. #1
    Ever Student's Avatar
    Ever Student is offline Senior Member
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    Question I would apprecite it if anyone would edit my paragraph.

    "Peace and Mercy"


    I live in an apple, yellow and white with some brown spots showing how much the sun shines on it. Through the thin peel of the apple I can see the blue sky where a few pieces of white clouds are scattered. Green leaves stuck on the branches are also seen. Among the leaves there are two nests that one is empty but another has been recently occupied by a couple of ravens with black and white wings. The tree, home of the ravens, is growing before a cottage made of sun-dried bricks. From the cottage I can hear the voice of water pouring into a jug and feel the smell of cool water and clay. Grey shades of the leaves wrap both the cottage and the nests. The cottage, the nests and the apple I live in all enjoy the tree.

  2. #2
    Ever Student's Avatar
    Ever Student is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: I would apprecite it if anyone would edit my paragraph.

    Can any body help me out?

  3. #3
    JMurray is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: I would apprecite it if anyone would edit my paragraph.

    ES.
    The skin of an apple becomes the peel once you have removed it from the apple. I have put a "pair" of ravens because it more strongly suggests that the two birds are nesting together and suits the tone of your text.

    I live in an apple, yellow and white with some brown spots showing how much the sun shines on it. Through the thin skin of the apple I can see the blue sky where a few tufts of white cloud are scattered. Green leaves on the branches are also to be seen. Among the leaves there are two nests, one is empty but another has been recently occupied by a pair of ravens with black and white wings. The tree, home of the ravens, is growing before a cottage made of sun-dried bricks. From the cottage I can hear the sound of water pouring into a jug and detect the smell of cool water and clay. The grey shades of the leaves wrap both the cottage and the nests. The cottage, the nests and the apple I live in, all enjoy the tree.

  4. #4
    Ever Student's Avatar
    Ever Student is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: I would apprecite it if anyone would edit my paragraph.

    It was very kind of you to read and edit my text. I have also learned the new words and expressions here such as tufts of cloud,skin of an apple, sound of water, pair of ravens and detect.

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