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  1. #1
    girlzmagazine is offline Newbie
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    Default Can someone give some feedback

    Haii everyone,

    I will introduce myself.
    I am living in the Netherlands, and well my English isn't really good. So I chose to write texts in English to practise myself. I will try in the next months to write everything in English. I feel and I think that I need some feedbacks to involve me and even go up for/to higher levels.
    I wrote a simple summary two days ago about the movie "I am number four". I don't think my text is grammatical correct.
    I really appreciate the people that would like to help me :)

    I placed my summary here:
    Girlzmagazine - I am number four

  2. #2
    susiedqq is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Can someone give some feedback

    I Am Number Four

    Titles need to be capitalized.

    Good job; keep writing.

  3. #3
    girlzmagazine is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Can someone give some feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by susiedqq View Post
    I Am Number Four

    Titles need to be capitalized.

    Good job; keep writing.
    Adjusted! Thanks.

  4. #4
    luschen is offline Member
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    Default Re: Can someone give some feedback

    Hi, your review is very good, I couldn't understand a couple sentences but otherwise there were just minor errors.

    I Am Number Four

    Yesterday I went to the movie: I am number four[capitalize]. I would like to share my movie experience, with you my lovely Girlzmagazine members! First of [all] I will tell you some background information about this movie then I will try to write a bit about the most important moments[the character can't really have a moment - maybe actions?] of the main chatacter.

    Background information:
    The main character (Jack) is an extraordinary teen from another planet. He possesses some special powers that he inherited from his parents. Like jack there were nine other extraordinary Children on earth. Jack is about 20 years old and lives with Henri (Jacks guardian), [new sentence] together they escaped from their planet like the other nine. And[and] all of them received a guardian. Three of them were killed by the mogadorians (an evil alien species from Jack's world that[who] have been chasing him and the other nine throughout their lives).

    Mexico:
    The movie begins with Jack on a water scooter nearby a beach somewhere in Mexico. Jack has a very strong friendship[maybe relationship better, less redundant] with his friends. Somewhere[Sometime] in the night Jack is arranging[this is incorrect - what exactly are they doing?] with a girl in the sea, suddenly Jack is getting[gets a] pain at[in] his right leg. His leg is beginning to glow up [glow up?] and Jack begins to lose all of his powers. There is a moment you can see the shadow of the Mogadorians with the warning that he is following up[don't understand following up]. The next day he wakes up at the beach and Lorien (Jacks guarder[guardian]) is telling him to move on to the next city. Apparently someone has[had] filmed him yesterday while he was having pain and glowing up and placed this extraordinairy activity on [the] internet. This is the reason why Lorien wants to move to the next city and avoid the Mogadorians. After a little squabble Jack [agrees and comes] with Lorien.
    The next randomly chosen city is “Paradise”.

    Welcome in Paradise:
    In Paradise Lorien finds an place to live. Surround[surround means the dog is completely encircling the house - maybe outside is a better word] the house Jack finds a lovely dog and want[s] to keep him. After that Jack want[s] to go the closest university and meet new people. Lorien indicates[tells] Jack not to show his face in public, this way preventing any Mogadorians recognize[from recognizing] him.
    At school Jack makes several new friends.

    Friendship
    He meets Sarah (She loves to make[take] photos), Sam (Who thinks his dad was right with the “UFO” phenomenon, and believes in extraterrestrial life) and a group of bullies with Mark (Footballplayer) as the leader. Jack sees how Sam is being pushed around by the Mark and his friends. Every moment Sam gets attacked by Mark, Jack tries to help Sam[, until] Sam gets a rugby ball right to his head during a school break. Jack gets angry and throws the rugby ball with[at] high speed towards one of the bullies. One of Marks friends gets hit and flies off into the air landing against a tree. From that moment Marks second victim is Jack.

    The "Haunted house"
    Through[out] the movie Jack loves Sarah and vice versa. One day Jack and Sarah meet at the fair and they decide to go into the “haunted house” attraction. There where a few SHOCK-moments so you should definitely look out for that and take extra underwear with you. At the end of the trip, Marks friends came undercover[undercover means they are pretending to be someone else like a spy would do - I think you mean in secret] to smack[beat up probably a better term] Jack. During the punishment Sarah was kept by one of the friends and charged [don't know what you mean by this] to Mark. Jack became so angry that he have used his power to smack the bullies,[new sentence] after that he ran to Mark and he threw Mark to the ground. Jack planned to break Marks arm but through Sarah he stopped the rotation and saved Marks arm.

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