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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Please, would you proofread my text

    This is the fourth part of my text "ON MONEY", please would you proofread it.

    The rich man of our time is in a far more advantageous position than his ancestors. He not only has a possibility to use all the latest technological accoutrements, travel to the faraway places just in a few hours, communicate via video with his partners on the Internet and make all kind of transactions from his home, but also he is able to slow down the process of aging by means of face-lift, liposuction and hair transplantation.

    If the rich person is a female, she could make herself more attractive by making her breast bigger, her lips thicker and her bottom smaller. Thus, while other people walk with their faces covered in wrinkles and their stomachs sticking out, the rich man or woman swagger around as if they want to say, I cant help that Im wealthy.
    If the rich man marries a young woman who could be his grandchild, people usually say that she married him because of his money and they do not reproach him anything. However, if the poor man does the same thing, people start to call him a dirty old man and a pervert who should seek a psychiatric help.
    The West likes to pride itself of democracy and human rights, but leading intellectuals seldom talk about how money has become more important than political issues and the present state of society.
    Let us talk for example about the USA, the country which Presidents always emphasise the principles of democracy which are sacred, according to them. But they never talk about their wealth without which they would never have a chance.

    In theory, every American citizen born in the USA has a chance to become President, but in reality only those who have enormous amount of money can stand as potential candidates. They must be ready to spend millions of dollars paying expensive advertisements in the media, engaging PR companies and cover costs for tours all around the country and mass rallies, which have in the last decades became nothing but a circus.
    Let us imagine that a very intelligent man has decided to candidate for President of the USA. He speaks eight languages fluently; he is well versed in political science, philosophy, psychology, sociology and economy. He has read thousands of books, he is brave, honest, he is ready to sacrifice everything for his homeland and he has visions and ideas how to make the USA more prosperous and equal society. His only shortcoming is he is poor.
    And let us imagine another man. He is a psychopath. He lies, manipulates, he despises ordinary people and he is only interested in power and accumulating more wealth. He wants to be President not because he wants to change society and help his fellow citizens, but because he wants to control other human beings and play with them as if they were his toys.

    He spends large amounts of money on billboards which line the streets and highways, on advertisements in all leading national papers and TV stations, he engages hundreds of assistants and celebrities who will promote his ideas and plans. He travels in his own plane to every important town and city and promises low taxes, more jobs, strict immigration control, harder punishment for criminals and prosperity for everyone, even for those at the bottom of society.

    If these two men met in a TV studio discussing politics, it would be fight between David and Goliath. The poor man would say the truth which is not so pleasant to hear and he would tell people that they have hard times ahead of them. The rich man, knowing that the majority of his fellow citizens are unable to think rationally, and do not want to hear negative news, would tell them lies and promise them pie in the sky.

    Even if he remained completely silent, people would think of his wealth and his success and that would still weight in his favour. They would probably think of the poor man a lunatic who does not live in reality.
    The pattern is repeated indefinitely. There is a great hope at the beginning, almost religious ecstasy, as if Messiah has arrived to save his people. However, already after some months, people who have voted for their candidate start to understand that they have been cheated. They ask themselves how HE has forgotten them and what has happened with his promises, but they ignore the fact that HE is just a servant of a god called Mammon.

    They promise themselves to be more careful the next time, to gather more information and facts, but at the time when the next presidential election comes around, they will be so busy with their own problems that they will become caught in the same trap. And the rich man will laugh again at their naivety.
    TO BE CONTINED

  2. #2
    EnglishRyan's Avatar
    EnglishRyan is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my text

    Hi Bassim,

    Could you share some background information about this response? Is there a question that you are responding to here? To be honest, the text is a little hard to follow as I don't really know what your goal is with this writing. Is this a class assignment?

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my text

    Hi, EnglishRyan,
    This text is my own thoughts about money and has nothing to do with any class assignment. This is the fourth part of my text called "On money" and if one reads it alone it could be difficult to understand.
    This is my way of learning English and training in writing.

    All the best,
    B

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