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  1. #1
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Question Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    A teacher

    A young boy put a letter into an envelope and gave it to the teacher. tearing the envelope open with his shaking hands, the teacher began to read the letter. "Dear wild cat," the young boy started with, " I was looking for a wild cat, black and bold, and was able to pass through plains and to get hills then to climb the mountains. I have just found a wild cat who has given more confident and energy to a little domestic cat grew in a cottage. I am glad to live outside home and travel the vast lands. Now each red boundary is removed by me; in fact, you have removed all boundaries since long years ago. You've taught me how to avoid pausing, keeping the windows closed and being myself aside from outside. Instead, you have led me to the way of standing up, walking to the close windows, opening them and then run outside. I can see the sun shining down on my shoulders and I'm following the beams direction to limitless.

    Respectfully yours,
    The little wild cat
    Last edited by Ever Student; 25-Mar-2011 at 17:33.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    Would you please edit my passage?

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    Could anyone please revise the paragraph above?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    how can i find any English-speaker?

  5. #5
    JMurray is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    EverStudent.
    I think that you have had trouble getting help with this because prose writing in this style is not easy to edit. Sometimes it isn't clear what you are trying to express, and it's difficult to correct the problems while keeping the particular tone of the original words. I've tried to do that and I hope it's helpful

    A young boy put a letter into an envelope and gave it to the teacher. Tearing the envelope open with his shaking hands, the teacher began to read the letter. "Dear wild cat," the young boy began, "I was looking for a wild cat, black and bold, that was able to move across plains and over hills, and then climb the mountains. I have found a wild cat who has given more confidence and energy to a little domestic cat which grew up in a cottage. I am glad to live away from home and travel the vast lands. Now, all limits on myself have gone; in fact, you removed all my boundaries many years ago. You've taught me to not hesitate, keeping myself indoors with the windows closed. You have shown me how to stand up instead, walk to the closed windows, open them and run outside. I can see the sun shining down on my shoulders and I'm following those beams towards a limitless future.

  6. #6
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    Quote Originally Posted by JMurray View Post
    EverStudent.
    I think that you have had trouble getting help with this because prose writing in this style is not easy to edit. Sometimes it isn't clear what you are trying to express, and it's difficult to correct the problems while keeping the particular tone of the original words. I've tried to do that and I hope it's helpful

    A young boy put a letter into an envelope and gave it to the teacher. Tearing the envelope open with his shaking hands, the teacher began to read the letter. "Dear wild cat," the young boy began, "I was looking for a wild cat, black and bold, that was able to move across plains and over hills, and then climb the mountains. I have found a wild cat who has given more confidence and energy to a little domestic cat which grew up in a cottage. I am glad to live away from home and travel the vast lands. Now, all limits on myself have gone; in fact, you removed all my boundaries many years ago. You've taught me to not hesitate, keeping myself indoors with the windows closed. You have shown me how to stand up instead, walk to the closed windows, open them and run outside. I can see the sun shining down on my shoulders and I'm following those beams towards a limitless future.
    Hello JMurry,
    Thanks so much for your editing.
    Here in the story, a student would like to learn from his teacher, because his teacher is brave and has helped his student to choose the way of getting his aims and wishes more confidentally and bravely. Now the student is writing to him and thanks for his help. Does it make sense?

  7. #7
    JMurray is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    I do understand the overall story and I think you have an expressive style that will keep improving. The point I was making is that sometimes your word choices and phrases are a little confusing and I can only understand them because I have the rest of the letter to help me get the meaning. If you compare my version with your original you can see that I've made several changes to correct the English and, at the same time, clarify what you mean – although I think I could still improve on some of my own sentences.

    In fact, here is a slightly better version:

    A young boy put a letter into an envelope and gave it to the teacher. Tearing the envelope open with his shaking hands, the teacher started reading the letter. "Dear wild cat," the young boy began, "I was looking for a wild cat, black and bold, that was able to move across plains and over hills, and then climb the mountains. I have found a wild cat who has given confidence and energy to a little domestic cat which grew up in a cottage. I am glad to live away from home and travel the vast land. Now, all limits on myself have gone; in fact, you removed all my boundaries many years ago. You've taught me to not hesitate, to not keep myself indoors with the windows closed. You have shown me how to stand up instead, walk to the closed windows, open them and run outside. I can see the sun shining down on my shoulders and I'm following those beams towards a limitless future

  8. #8
    Ever Student's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can any one please make correction of the passage?

    Dear Murry,

    Thanks so much for taking your time on the revised text. You are also one of those teachers whom I am proud of to meet here and learn from their lessons. I will try to improve my writing.

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