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  1. #1
    jmarie is offline Newbie
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      • Student or Learner
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    Default Thank you for the revision of my cover letter

    Thank you so much in advance for having a look at my cover letter!

    Application for a Marketing internship at XXX

    Dear Sir or Madam,


    XXX represents for me one of the most fascinating companies in the world. It owns and manages a sensational portfolio of brands that are revealing not only people beauty but also self-confidence. Of course, I知 captivated by the excellence and the innovation of your products, but above all, I知 fascinated by your daring business model and the creativity of your marketing team. They both set you apart from others beauty companies.



    Being part of your company would be my best opportunity to apply varied talents and knowledge I have acquired so far though my previous internships and my academic experience in Switzerland and abroad. I知 convinced that my diversified academic path is a great advantage; it allowed me to acquire in the mean time lots of practical experiences, strong theoretical knowledge and deep analytical skills. My Bachelor in Business Administration at University of Applied Sciences gave me great occasions to lead lots of formative, concrete and risk-taking projects, directly connected with company痴 today challenges. Most of the time conducted in teams, they allowed me to demonstrate leadership capabilities and high collaborative and negotiation skills. Then, my Master in management with a major orientation in marketing and my assistantship at HEC Geneva gave me the opportunity to considerably extend my capabilities in areas such as market research, branding, statistics, management of luxury goods, communication or consumer behavior. During my several internships, my great creativity and my professionalism allowed me to overpass expectations and to directly impact on business results. For example, during my internships at YYY, I managed to significantly increase CA and customer loyalty. At ZZZ, my initiative-thinking has been highly appreciated and I have therefore been directly implied into management痴 meetings and strategic decisions. In parallel, my two academic experiences abroad allowed me not only to improve my fluency in English and German but also to live out my multicultural interest. I知 convinced that diversity of backgrounds and cultures can significantly foster innovation, efficiency and performance. Though competitive sport and numerous extracurricular activities I developed cam capabilities to manage multiple tasks in parallel and learnt to that only intense efforts and passion allow delivering the best results. I developed excellent capabilities
    To validate my master at HEC Geneva, I have to make an internship of at least 4 months and I would be extremely interested in being part of XXX's marketing team, in Switzerland or abroad.



    Based on my experience and strong commitment to do more than is required, I知 convinced that your challenging environment will allow me to actively contribute to the success of your company.



    I知 looking forward to hearing from you and, should you have any question, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.



    Sincerely


    Thank you so much in advance for having a look at my cover letter. I really appreciate your help!!!
    Last edited by jmarie; 02-Apr-2011 at 15:37.

  2. #2
    minnieuk is offline Junior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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      • British English
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      • Great Britain
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      • Great Britain
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    Default Re: Thank you for the revision of my cover letter

    Quote Originally Posted by jmarie View Post
    Thank you so much in advance for having a look at my cover letter!


    Application for a Marketing internship at XXX


    Dear Sir or Madam,


    XXX represents for me one of the most fascinating companies in the world. It owns and manages a sensational portfolio of brands that are produces not only beautiful people beauty but also self-confidence. Of course, I知 captivated by the excellence and the innovation of your products, but above all, I知 fascinated by your daring business model and the creativity of your marketing team. They both set you apart from others beauty companies.

    Being part of your company would be my best give me the opportunity to apply the varied talents and knowledge I have acquired so far though my previous internships and my academic experience in Switzerland and abroad. I知 convinced that my diversified academic path is a great advantage has been advantageous; it has allowed me to acquire in the mean time lots of practical experiences, strong theoretical knowledge and deep good analytical skills. My Bachelor in BA Business Administration at from the University of Applied Sciences gave me great occasions the opportunity to lead lots of formative, concrete and risk-taking projects , directly connected to the challenges facing companies today.with company痴 today challenges. Most of the time these projects were conducted in teams, they which allowed me to demonstrate leadership capabilities and high collaborative and negotiation skills. Then, my Master MA in Management with a major orientation majoring in marketing and my assistantship at HEC Geneva gave me the opportunity to considerably extend my capabilities in areas such as market research, branding, statistics, management of luxury goods, communication or and consumer behavior. During my several various internships, my great creativity and my professionalism allowed me to overpass exceed expectations and to directly impact directly on business results. For example, during my internships at YYY, I managed to significantly increase CA and customer loyalty. At ZZZ, my initiative innovative thinking has been was highly appreciated and I have was therefore been directly implied into included in management meetings and strategic decisions. [STRIKE]In parallel[/STRIKE]At the same time, my two academic experiences abroad allowed me not only to improve my fluency in English and German but also to live out my engage my intereset in other cultures multicultural interest. I知 convinced that diversity of backgrounds and cultures can significantly foster innovation, efficiency and performance. Through competitive sport and numerous extracurricular activities I developed cam capabilities the capability to manage multiple tasks in parallel simultaneously and learnt to that only intense efforts and passion allow delivering delivery of the best results. I developed excellent capabilities
    To validate my master at HEC Geneva, I have need to make secure an internship of at least 4 months and I would be extremely interested in being part of XXX's marketing team, in Switzerland or abroad.

    Based on my experience and strong commitment to do more than is required, I知 convinced that your challenging environment will allow me to actively contribute to the success of your company.



    I知 looking forward to hearing from you and, should you have any question, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.



    Sincerely


    Thank you so much in advance for having a look at my cover letter. I really appreciate your help!!!
    I have corrected the grammatical errors. Some of the content is a bit repetitive so you might want to look at that a bit more.

  3. #3
    jmarie is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
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      • French
      • Home Country:
      • Switzerland
      • Current Location:
      • Switzerland
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    Apr 2011
    Posts
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    Default Re: Thank you for the revision of my cover letter

    Thank you SO MUCH! I really appreciated your help!!!

    In order to improve my letter, could you tell me what aspect do you find repetitive?

    Thanks again!

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