Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    eLyutata is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • Indonesia
      • Current Location:
      • Indonesia
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    5
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default please revise my motivation letter

    check out my motivation letter please..
    the deadline collect this motivation letter is tomorrow.

    thanks b4..



    Dear Sir or Madam,


    My name is Elita Yunanda. I am a student currently enrolled in Universitas Pembangunan Nasional “Veteran” Yogyakarta majoring International Relation. I wish to apply for the International Youth Exchange Program, especially Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program (ICYEP). I would also kindly like to introduce myself for the candidacy opportunity to be nominated for Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program (ICYEP) during 2011-2012.


    I would like first to briefly introduce myself. I come from a family that values cultural highly. I have been a person who likes to work with numbers since I started at school. I have always been motivated by my parents especially my mother and I always do the best I can at my studies. Therefore, I have always been one of the best students from primary school to university. I am a high achiever with outstanding study and performance habits.

    My strengths are my: self-confidence, focus, passion, optimistic, and perseverance. I am a highly motivated, initiative, hard-working, and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate. I am good at working individually and also good at working as part of a team. I easily adapt to new situations, and I make friends easily. I am a person who always learns from my mistakes and failures. My weaknesses are my: doubt, frustrations, and being stagnant.

    During my studies, I have gained a theoretical and practical background in social politics especially how to negotiating and diplomacy. I am familiar with international or national issues because in my courses, there are always analyzing, describing even explaining several issues social, and political economics global. I have to presentations my paper so this helps me to be able to speak in front of people easily and clearly.


    My studies are analyzing, describing and explaining several issues both international and national, include Europe Union issues such as Canada. Beside fundamental diplomatic knowledge,also study about military base of security and defense that became national aspect. Even though my undergraduate program has given me a strong background in the fundamentals of various international relation, such as social, political, and economic. This is not enough for me to be a professional. I have to more practice to enrich my skills and broaden my knowledge.

    Though I enjoy my courses, I always have the dream to be able to continue my study in social-politics abroad. I came to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. But in my country, unfortunately, there are very few opportunities in this area, in which it is difficult to enhance my potential. Encouraged by the lecturers, I decided to apply for the International Youth Exchange Program 2011.

    I believe that this program has a positive impact for my study because it take in study of International Relation. All human activity in fields such as information technology, economics, physics, social as well as others, will run well if they are cited within a good diplomatic framework. This fact stimulated me to attend the International Relation at Universitas Pembangunan Nasional “Veteran” Yogyakarta. I chose Negotiation-Diplomacy as my specialization even though at that time, not many people knew about essential of diplomatic relation. Many people just knew about international relations but could not explain more about it.

    The reason I choose Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange program (ICYEP) is because of its fascinating and prestigious program. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

    Meanwhile, located in Canada, a city of culture and high technology, the chance to study at Canada would give me the opportunity to exchange information with other students from different cultures and nationalities. I can meet different kind of people that will give me different point of views, thus, contributing for my flexibility and creativity, besides the cultural and language gains.


    With high-quality education in multidisciplinary courses in combination with a good atmosphere, I am confident that I will have a pleasant stay as wonderful as it has been for previous participants. In addition, with my good skill in speaking English, skill dancing of traditional culture, sewing, little skill of magic. I know that in ICYEP need of cultural aspect as part of culture diplomatic mission from Indonesia.

    I consider myself to be a good candidate for ICYEP because I am a young, energetic, hardworking, visionary, and motivated person, and I believe that I can do something for the benefit of my country where I have been studying. I have done my best and given the maximum effort I could give for my institution. But this is not enough, I am not satisfied yet with what I have done. I believe that I can do much better if I am trained and developed further, by this program.

    Thank you in advance for considering my application.


    Yours Faithfully,




    Elita Yunanda

  2. #2
    luschen is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    191
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: please revise my motivation letter

    I will try to correct some of the obvious errors. It is a good essay - good luck to you in your future of international relations!

    Dear Sir or Madam,


    My name is Elita Yunanda. I am a student currently enrolled in Universitas Pembangunan Nasional “Veteran” Yogyakarta majoring [in]International Relation[s]. I wish to apply for the International Youth Exchange Program,
    especially[particularly the] Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program (ICYEP). I would also kindly like to introduce myself for the candidacy opportunity to be nominated for[It would be a great honor to be selected into the] Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program (ICYEP) during [for] 2011-2012.

    I would like first to briefly introduce myself. I come from a family that values cultural[our culture] highly. I have been a person who likes to work with numbers since I started at school. I have always been motivated by my parents[,] especially my mother[,] and I always do the best I can at my studies. Therefore, I have always been one of the best students from primary school to university. I am a high achiever with outstanding study and performance habits.

    My strengths are my[include]: self-confidence, focus, passion, optimistic[optimism], and perseverance. I am a highly motivated, initiativeself-starting, hard-working, and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate. I am good at working[able to effectively work] individually and also good at[as well as] working as part of a team. I easily adapt to new situations, and I make friends easily. I am a person who always learns from my mistakes and failures. My weaknesses are my: doubt, frustrations, and being stagnant. [is there any way to make these weaknesses sound better - maybe, "despite my many successes, I still sometimes have doubts". "I can get frustrated when despite my hard work my plans are not fully realized" does this make sense?]

    During my studies, I have gained a theoretical and practical background in social politics especially
    how to[concerning]negotiating[negotiation] and diplomacy. I am familiar with international or national issues[new sentence] because in my courses, there are always [My courses involve ] analyzing, describing[, and] even explaining several [many] issues social, and political[ , and] economics global [issues]. I have to presentations[am required to present] my paper[s] so this[which] helps me to be able to speak in front of people easily and clearly.

    My studies are[involve] analyzing, describing and explaining several issues both international and national, include[[including] Europe[an] Union issues such as Canada. [but Canada is not part of the European Union ??] Beside[s] fundamental diplomatic knowledge,also study{I have also studied]about military base of security and [national] defense [issues]that became national aspect. Even though my undergraduate program has given me a strong background in the fundamentals of various international relation[s], such as social, political, and economic. This[, this] is not enough for me to be a professional. I [must ] have to more practice to enrich my skills and broaden my knowledge.

    Though I enjoy my courses, I always have[had] the dream to be able to continue[of continuing] my study in social-politics abroad. I came[have come] to realize that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. But in my country, unfortunately, there are very few opportunities in this area, in which[so] it is difficult to enhance my potential. Encouraged by the lecturers[my professors], I decided to apply for the International Youth Exchange Program 2011.

    I believe that this program has[will have] a positive impact for my study because it take in[focuses on the] study of International Relation[s]. All human activity in fields such as information technology, economics, physics, social[sociology] as well as others, will run well if they are cited[sited] within a good diplomatic framework. This fact stimulated me to attend the[major in] International Relation[s] at Universitas Pembangunan Nasional “Veteran” Yogyakarta. I chose Negotiation-Diplomacy as my specialization even though at that time, not many people knew about essential[ity] of diplomatic relation[s]. Many people just knew about international relations but could not explain more about it.

    The reason I choose [the]Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange program (ICYEP) is because of its fascinating and prestigious program. I have read through the course descriptions which are offered and I believe that your top level program can benefit me in many areas.

    Meanwhile, located in Canada [ Canada is not a city - name the city], a city of culture and high technology, the chance to study
    at[in] Canada would give me the opportunity to exchange information with other students from different cultures and nationalities. I can meet different kind[s] of people that[who] will give me different point[s] of views, thus, contributing for[to] my flexibility and creativity, besides the cultural and language gains.

    With high-quality education in multidisciplinary courses in combination with a good atmosphere, I am confident that I will have a pleasant stay[enriching experience] as wonderful as it has been for previous participants. In addition, with my good[I have] skill[s] in speaking English, skill[the] dancing of [my] traditional culture, sewing, little skill of[and I even know a little] magic. I know that in ICYEP need of cultural aspect[s] [are an important] part of culture diplomatic mission from Indonesia.

    I consider myself to be a good candidate for ICYEP because I am a young, energetic, hardworking, visionary, and motivated person, and I believe that I can do something for the benefit of my country where I have been studying. I have done my best and given the maximum effort I could give for my institution. But this is not enough,[.] I am not satisfied yet with what I have done. I believe that I can do much better if I am trained and developed further, by this program.

    Thank you in advance for considering my application.


    Yours
    Faithfully[sincerely],



    Elita Yunanda

  3. #3
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Canada
      • Current Location:
      • Canada
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,113
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: please revise my motivation letter

    This letter is very vague. You should consider looking up some guides on how to write such letters.

Similar Threads

  1. Please Help Me Revise My Motivation Letter.
    By rutgers1 in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 15-Mar-2011, 11:37
  2. [Essay] could you help me to revise the motivation letter?
    By 1988dmk in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-Mar-2011, 10:22
  3. Could anyone revise my Cover Letter
    By alinsyirah in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 24-Jan-2010, 01:36
  4. please revise my recommendation letter
    By jayana in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 22-Oct-2007, 09:28

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •