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  1. #1
    Mayuko is offline Newbie
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    Default If you find any errors in my essay, please correct them.

    Hi, this is a first time for me to visit here. I am a university student in Japan. I'm going to take TOEFL test a few weeks later. If you find any errors in my essay, please correct them.

    1. People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, societal awareness, and enhanced interpersonal relationships). Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    The reason why people go to a school is different from person to person. In Japan, it has came into an accepted idea to go to especially university after graduation from a high school. People seem to believe that in a school there are a lot of main factors in shaping people’s potentialities. In this essay, I suggest how much attending school means for people.
    First, as a common Japanese sense, attending on university is at least needed to gain a good job. High school students mostly study hard to go to as much as prestigious university to create their good future path. At the scene of university student’s hunting job, many companies would recruit students who are from a value college, which can be expected for good performance on business. With thought of the high level of unemployment in Japan, this idea is in general.
    On the other hands, people’s future career is not necessarily a main purpose for some people. They believe that studying hard for entering a school is a priceless experience for them to have much confidence in their lives. This sense of success is surely required to create their own future life by themself. Moreover through people’s schooling days, they can meet many valuable friends and new things which could expand their knowledge. Most likely to my experience, meeting with my professor has brought about an inspiration to learn something new. In addition, as a member of swimming club at university, I could pick up how to get along well with other people to attain a common aim with other members. It is certain that their experiences must be one of my abilities to live in the society.
    Certainly going to school have many meanings for people, and most of them can offer people many fundamental senses to progress their own lives. Without doubt, when people make a decision to attend a school, they must set some goals in order to enrich their lives more and more. (331)




    If you take some time to revise my essay, thank you for your time.

  2. #2
    luschen is offline Member
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    Default Re: If you find any errors in my essay, please correct them.

    Hi, I am not a teacher, but I can correct the obvious grammatical errors

    Quote Originally Posted by Mayuko View Post
    Hi, this is a first time for me to visit here. I am a university student in Japan. I'm going to take TOEFL test a few weeks later. If you find any errors in my essay, please correct them.

    1. People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, societal awareness, and enhanced interpersonal relationships). Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    The reason[s] why people go to a school is [are] different from person to person. In Japan, it has [become] an accepted idea to go to especially university after graduation from a high school. People seem to believe that in a school there are a lot of main factors [correct this - there can be a lot of factors, but only one main factor] in shaping people’s potentialities [potential] . In this essay, I suggest how much attending school means for people.
    First,
    as a[in the] common Japanese sense, attending on[a] university is at least needed to gain a good job. High school students mostly study hard to go to as muchas prestigious [a] university [as possible] to create their good future path. At the scene of [a] university student’s hunting job [job hunt], many companies would recruit students who are from a value[d] college, [from] which can be expected for good performance[a good performer]on[for] business. With thought of[Considering] the high level of unemployment in Japan, this idea is in general[not sure what you mean by "in general" - I think you mean "this idea is in common practice"].
    On the other hand
    s, people’s[their] future career is not necessarily a main purpose for some people. They believe that studying hard for entering a school is a priceless experience for them[which allows them] to have much confidence in their lives. This sense of success is surely required to create their own future life by themself[themselves]. Moreover through people’s schooling days, they can meet many valuable friends and [experience, discover, encounter, or a simlar word] new things which could expand their knowledge. Most likely to[In] my experience, meeting with my professor has brought about an inspiration to learn something new. In addition, as a member of [the] swimming club at university, I could pick up[learn] how to get along well with other people to[and] attain a common aim with other members. It is certain that their experiences must be one of my abilities to live in the society. [this sentence is confusing, not sure what you mean]
    Certainly going to school
    have[has] many meanings for people, and most of them[schools] can offer people many fundamental senses[skills] to progress [further] their own lives. Without doubt, when people make a decision to attend a school, they must set some goals in order to enrich their lives more and more. (331)




    If you take some time to revise my essay, thank you for your time.

  3. #3
    Mayuko is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: If you find any errors in my essay, please correct them.

    Thank you so much! I try to write again this essay with reference to your revise. I appreciate you.

  4. #4
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: If you find any errors in my essay, please correct them.

    Mayuko, leave an extra line between your paragraphs to break up that solid mass of text.

  5. #5
    Mayuko is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: If you find any errors in my essay, please correct them.

    Thank you for your visiting me and giving advice. I refer to yours.

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