I would go through and correct your grammatical errors, but I think your essay doesn't clearly address the question. The question asks "do you think the Internet has had a negative effect on your society?" Your essay just lists some good things about the internet and some bad things about it. I think you should develop your third paragraph into the whole essay. So an outline would be something like
paragraph 1 - the internet is very valuable and an important part of modern life, but it has had some negative effects on society
paragraphs 2-4 - develop three negative effects the internet has had on your society
paragraph 5 - I've shown that the internet does indeed have negative effects on my society, but it is still very important and valuable and we must work to minimize these negative effects
This is all just my opinion of course, I am not an English teacher, but I have written a lot of 5 paragraph essays.
Does this make any sense?
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