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  1. #1
    dilodi83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    In the latest fifty years many things have changed in our society and maybe they are still changing. School has changed, the possibility of finding a good job has become more and more difficult and highly unlikely and people seem to have lost their moral values. All this has caused a profound change in the family. If we compare a family of fifty years ago to a today's family, we will see that even the value and the role of family is spliting and step by step disappearing. The relationships between parents and children have been modified and they have got worse. There is less respect of parents, there is much more freedom among young people, quite often parents do not have enough time to spend with their own children and all this has been turning, and I think it already did, the modern family upside down. But what should the most important qualities of a good child and those of a good parent be? Well, a child should have respect for both his parents, he should act well, going to school to be educated and to create a good position in society, he should always make his parents proud of his behaviuor and of his actions - they always ought to be proud of their children's life - and when his parents get older, he ought to take care of them, just by staying always close to them, trying to be willing to help them and showing them all his love.
    A parent is a very important and special person. He/She is that person who gives life to us and who generally loves us as much as he/she can. They bring us up, they defend us against everything and from all the difficulties we may come across during our life, but at the same time they are also people to be defended when they get older; they are people we should always try to get along with and, above all, they are those people we have to be thankful and grateful to for giving birth to us. This is my opinion abouthow a family should be and about the roles that children on one side and parents on the other side ought to play (to have).

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    Yes, I think there are. There are also logical errors and vocabulary errors.

  3. #3
    dilodi83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    well could you help me to correct them, please?

  4. #4
    dilodi83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?
    In the latest fifty years many things have changed in our society and maybe they are still changing. School has changed, the possibility of finding a good job has become more and more difficult and highly unlikely and people seem to have lost their moral values. All this has caused a profound change in the family. If we compare a family of fifty years ago to a today's family, we will see that even the value and the role of family is spliting and step by step disappearing. The relationships between parents and children have been modified and they have got worse. There is less respect of parents, there is much more freedom among young people, quite often parents do not have enough time to spend with their own children and all this has been turning, and I think it already did, the modern family upside down. But what should the most important qualities of a good child and those of a good parent be? Well, a child should have respect for both his parents, he should act well, going to school to be educated and to create a good position in society, he should always make his parents proud of his behaviuor and of his actions - they always ought to be proud of their children's life - and when his parents get older, he ought to take care of them, just by staying always close to them, trying to be willing to help them and showing them all his love.
    A parent is a very important and special person. He/She is that person who gives life to us and who generally loves us as much as he/she can. They bring us up, they defend us against everything and from all the difficulties we may come across during our life, but at the same time they are also people to be defended when they get older; they are people we should always try to get along with and, above all, they are those people we have to be thankful and grateful to for giving birth to us. This is my opinion abouthow a family should be and about the roles that children on one side and parents on the other side ought to play (to have).

  5. #5
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    What question are you answering? Is this for TOEFL?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by dilodi83 View Post
    well could you help me to correct them, please?
    Yes I will later today

  7. #7
    dilodi83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    It is not for toefl, it's for Cambridge CAE.

  8. #8
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by dilodi83 View Post
    It is not for toefl, it's for Cambridge CAE.
    Cool. What question are you answering?

  9. #9
    dilodi83 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    I have to write about today's relationships between parents and children and I should also write what I think about it...
    What do you think about my essay? Any "severe" mistakes about grammar or vocabulary?

    Is in this case "severe" the correct adjectives for "mistake"?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Do you think there are any grammar mistakes in this essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by dilodi83 View Post
    In the latest fifty years, many things have changed in our society and maybe they are still changing.


    They are; they will always change.
    School has changed, the possibility of finding a good job has become more and more difficult and highly unlikely [really, the possibility of finding a good job is unlikely?] and people seem to have lost their moral values. All this has caused a profound change in the family. If we compare a family of fifty years ago to a today's family [or "a family of today"], we will see that even the value and the role of family is splitting [not a good word; "fragmenting" might be better] and step by step disappearing. The relationships between parents and children have been modified and they have got become worse. [Try not to use too colloquial phrases in your essays] There is less respect of for parents, there is much more freedom among young people, quite often parents do not have enough time to spend with their own children and all this has been turning, and I think it already did has, the modern family upside down. [This phrasing is awkward]
    I think you're overusing the licence given by the "A, B and C" pattern. It's becoming repetitive.

    But what should the most important qualities of a good child and those of a good parent be? Well [Not in a formal essay] A child should have respect for both his parents, he should act behave well, going to school to be educated and to create a good position in society, he should always make his parents proud of his behaviuor and of his actions - they [who is they?] always ought to be proud of their children's life - and when his parents get older, he ought to take care of them, just by staying always close to them, trying to be willing to help them and showing them all his love.
    This is where the logic breaks down. Perhaps you could preface all of this with "I believe".


    A parent is a very important and special person. [So is a child] He/She is that person who gives life to us and who generally loves us as much as he/she can. They bring us up, they defend us against everything and from all the difficulties we may come across during our life, but at the same time they are also people to be defended when they get older; they are people we should always try to get along with and, above all, they are those people we have to be thankful and grateful to for giving birth to us. This is my opinion about how a family should be and about the roles that children on one side and parents on the other side ought to play (to have).
    I'd say the major logical flaw, is that you assume that parents do all the proper things they should, but you say that children should do what their obligations are. You seem to be missing the many cases where parents do not do these things. Where is your discussion of the obligations of parents to provide a loving home and not to abuse their children, for example?
    So the sentence in your conclusion - the one I've bolded - is not really a summary of your essay.

    Apart from that your grammar and spelling is good. I think your sentences are too long. As I indicated, you're putting too much into a sentence and relying too much on commas. Perhaps you could experiment with more complex conjunctions and adverbs, like 'however, nevertheless, moreover ...'

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