[Essay] Could someone correct my application writing for the FCE?

[Maariinaa]

Dear Mrs Benson

I read on The Time newspaper the advertisement of your international book shop in Manchester and I am applying for the job because I need to earn some money for my studies and improve my english as well.

I am twenty-two years old and I live in Madrid sinde I started going to the European University of Madrid in 2007. I have got an advance level of English and I speak spanish and catalan fluently forasmuch as they are my native languages.

I am working in my university library but it is closed in summer so I am used to dealing with books and giving some advice to students who need help. Moreover I won a literature competition at university which gave me the opportunity to study the course 2009-2010 in the "Université de la Sorbonne" in Paris.

I am availabale to start working from the end of the month and I can be contacted on 610 996 134.

Thank you for considering my application.
Yours sincerely,

Marina Cruz Lara

 

[Antou]

I'm sitting for the FCE on december, i think i could help you.

"I read on The Time newspaper the advertisement of your international book shop"
You never say when you've read it, so you can't put past simple.

"because I need to earn some money for my studies and improve my english as well."
I would write "I think the job would help me to improve my English" or something like that. When I read your sentence it sounds me like a bit informal.

"I live in Madrid sinde I started going to the European University of Madrid in 2007."
I don't know if the order is ok. I would write "I live in Madrid since 2007, when I started going to the European University of Madrid"

"I have got an advance level of English"
It's advanceD because you're talking about the level.

Well, tell me if I have helped you!
Good luck!