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  1. #1
    Bassim is online now Senior Member
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    Please, would you proofread my text

    This is the third part of my text SHOAH. Please would you proofread it.

    Politicians, rulers and dictators have an adversary whom they fear the most. It is not terrorists because they will eventually blow themselves up, be killed, or end up in prison, neither it is their political opponents who they can outmanoeuvre at the next election. What makes them feel troubled is a “real” human being. My definition of the real human being is that it is a creature who is aware that he or she is the part of the great universe, created on purpose by God or some kind of highly intelligent power whose greatness, because of our ignorance, is still hidden from us.

    If the majority of the inhabitants of this planet saw each other as brothers and sisters, the big part of our problems would have vanished. If we firmly believed that we all are the water from the same spring flowing towards the same sea, we would respect each other and not see each other as competitors and enemies.

    Instead of spending our precious mental and physical energies on all kinds of wars and conflicts, we could unite our forces, efforts and talents to create a harmonious world. We do not need anyone to teach us how that world should look like when a glance at the sky gives as the answer. Millions of stars, planets and other celestial bodies have been revolving around each other since the very beginning and they never collide. They do not compete with each other, they do not want to overpower each other, they do not see each other as enemies, but follow their paths from the beginning to the end in a perfect harmony.

    However, to create a world of harmony on our planet is a gigantic task. It is even more gigantic when one knows how much obstacles stand in the way. The first step would be to empower humankind with higher state of consciousness. But how to attain it peacefully when those in power would see it as the main threat to their governance. It undermines their idea of the world in which the strong has the supremacy over the weak. It shakes the foundation based on exploitation, deception and hypocrisy.

    That higher state of consciousness is the greatest revolution which humankind has yet to carry out. It will not happen on the streets, with noisy demonstrations and the police shooting rubber bullets and throwing gas canisters. No. It will happen in the minds of human beings all around the world, who will suddenly see the world in another light and ask themselves how they could have been blind and deaf for centuries.
    TO BE CONTINUED

  2. #2
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Re: Please, would you proofread my text


    Politicians, rulers and dictators have an adversary whom they fear the most. It is neither not the terrorists, because they who will eventually blow themselves up, be killed, or end up in prison, neither it is nor is it their the political opponents, whom they can outmanoeuvre at in the next election. What makes them feel troubled is a the “real” human being. My definition of the real human being is that it is a creature who is aware that he or she is the part of the great universe, created on purpose by God or some kind of a highly intelligent power whose greatness is still hidden from us because of our ignorance.

    If the majority of the inhabitants of this planet saw each other as brothers and sisters, the big part of our problems would have vanished. If we firmly believed that we all are the water from the same spring flowing towards the same sea, we would respect each other and not see each other as competitors and enemies.
    You have the same problems as before: parallelism and pronoun references.

  3. #3
    Bassim is online now Senior Member
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    Re: Please, would you proofread my text

    Thank you again freezeframe.

    I think that my mistakes originate in my lack of the rules of the English grammar and when I am not sure what is right, my brain simply starts using the grammatical rules of my mother tongue, which apparently to do not apply to the English.

  4. #4
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Re: Please, would you proofread my text

    created on purpose by God
    I overlooked this. I think you want to say "created for a purpose". In any case, "on purpose" doesn't work there.

  5. #5
    Bassim is online now Senior Member
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    Re: Please, would you proofread my text

    That was exactly what I wanted to say, created for a purpose.

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