Please, check if the following passage is grammatically correct. Thanks!
And indeed, the process of radicalization was quite felt in the streets. At first, the public demanded that not only the president, but also his government would resign since it symbolized his tyranny. On the other hand, the military wanted the government to continue, but, under the pressure from the masses and out of a desire to please the public, the military replaced the government and dissolved the parliaments which had been elected at the time of the president. Later on, again under pressure from the masses, former regime officials were persecuted, taken to interrogations and then to the prison. Although one can understand the urge to get even with former regime officials for crimes involving corruption, no doubt that sacrificing those people was, primarily, meant to satisfy the angry masses. Comparison to ancient Rome is unavoidable, since such a move is reminiscent of hurling the victims into the arena to fight beasts or each other until death, with the Roman crowd cheering and shouting.
I partially support Gillnetter's post.
When I mark students' work I am careful not to write "sentence too long", as I did in my first year as a TA. What student will get out of such comment is the message that they need to write short sentences.
Long sentences are fine if the writer can control them -- through correct word choices and through elegant structure. But, before a student can do this, as it takes a lot of practice, they should practice with shorter sentences. As their writing becomes more assured, they can even attempt sentences of Dickensian proportions.
All of this is to say that to be effective, sentence length should alternate between short and long. If a student handed in an essay with a bunch of 0.5-1 line sentences, I'd assume they're an EFL student, deduct marks, and tell them to consult a writing center for help.