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  1. #1
    motico is offline Member
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    Default The ugly face of the revolution

    Please, check if the passage below is grammatically correct. Thanks!

    Eventually, Mr. M could not avoid the ugly face of the revolution. At the beginning, it was clear that the army was determined to protect its former commander at all costs. After all, Mr. M grew from the army and throughout his career cared for it and fostered it. The army's senior commanders have been, for many years, the favorites of Mr. M and the previous regime. Although the military put pressure on Mr. M to step down, it didn't force him to leave the country, but transferred him to …, where he could finish his life with dignity, without abandoning his beloved homeland. But the masses sought to get even with Mr. M. That was not the initial demand of the masses when they had first taken to the streets to demonstrate. The masses came up with that demand later, as part of radicalization of the revolution and as part of a process of search for great causes after the revolution had achieved its basic success. And so, the protesters found their way to the ousted ruler. At that point, it turned out that the army was too weak and frightened to confront the masses and thus, Mr. M and his sons were taken for questioning and arrested later.

  2. #2
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: The ugly face of the revolution

    Please, check if the passage below is grammatically correct. Thanks!

    Eventually, Mr. M could not avoid the ugly face of the revolution. At the beginning, it was clear that the army was determined to protect its former commander at all costs. After all, Mr. M grew from the army (I have no idea what you mean to say...??) and throughout his career cared for it and fostered it. The army's senior commanders have been, for many years, the favorites of Mr. M and the previous regime. Although the military put pressure on Mr. M to step down, it didn't force him to leave the country, but transferred him to …, where he could finish his life with dignity, without abandoning his beloved homeland. But the masses sought to get even with Mr. M. That was not the initial demand (what wasn't the initial demand? getting even with someone can be a wish or a goal but not a demand) of the masses when they had first taken to the streets to demonstrate. The masses came up with that demand later, as part of the radicalization of the revolution and as part of a process of the search (redundant -- a search is process) for great causes (what do you mean to say?) after the revolution had achieved its basic success succeeded. And so, the protesters found their way to the ousted ruler. At that point, it turned out that the army was too weak and frightened to confront the masses and thus_ Mr. M and his sons were taken for questioning and arrested later.
    I hope you don't keep using Mr. all the time in your actual text. You should be using only the last name.

  3. #3
    motico is offline Member
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    Default Re: The ugly face of the revolution

    Eventually, Mr. M could not avoid the ugly face of the revolution. At the beginning, it was clear that the army was determined to protect its former commander at all costs. After all, Mr. M grew from the army (I have no idea what you mean to say...??)Perhaps I should have written: "Mr. M grew up in the army?". His previous career was as a senior army commander. (I sometimes make foolish mistakes like translating literally from Hebrew…) and throughout his career cared for it and fostered it. The army's senior commanders have been, for many years, the favorites of Mr. M and the previous regime. Although the military put pressure on Mr. M to step down, it didn't force him to leave the country, but transferred him to …, where he could finish his life with dignity, without abandoning his beloved homeland. But the masses sought to get even with Mr. M. That was not the initial demand (what wasn't the initial demand? getting even with someone can be a wish or a goal but not a demand). You are right. The word "demand" should be replaced for "goal". of the masses when they had first taken to the streets to demonstrate. The masses came up with that demand later, as part of the radicalization of the revolution and as part of a process of the search (redundant -- a search is process) for great causes (what do you mean to say?)Since the revolution is still going on, the protesters seek to justify its continuation by searching new causes (or better- goals), such as getting even with the president, after the initial goal – ousting him – has been achieved). after the revolution had achieved its basic success succeeded. And so, the protesters found their way to the ousted ruler. At that point, it turned out that the army was too weak and frightened to confront the masses and thus_ Mr. M and his sons were taken for questioning and arrested later.

    I hope you don't keep using Mr. all the time in your actual text. You should be using only the last name.In my text I use only the last name.

  4. #4
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: The ugly face of the revolution

    Eventually, Mr. M could not avoid the ugly face of the revolution. At the beginning, it was clear that the army was determined to protect its former commander at all costs. After all, Mr. M grew from the army (I have no idea what you mean to say...??)Perhaps I should have written: "Mr. M grew up in the army?". His previous career was as a senior army commander. (I sometimes make foolish mistakes like translating literally from Hebrew…) Maybe something like "M. began his career in the army and ever since he fostered and cared for it." and throughout his career cared for it and fostered it. The army's senior commanders have been, for many years, the favorites of Mr. M and the previous regime. Although the military put pressure on Mr. M to step down, it didn't force him to leave the country, but transferred him to …, where he could finish his life with dignity, without abandoning his beloved homeland. But the masses sought to get even with Mr. M. That was not the initial demand (what wasn't the initial demand? getting even with someone can be a wish or a goal but not a demand). You are right. The word "demand" should be replaced for "goal". of the masses when they had first taken to the streets to demonstrate. The masses came up with that demand later, as part of the radicalization of the revolution and as part of a process of the search (redundant -- a search is process) for great causes (what do you mean to say?)Since the revolution is still going on, the protesters seek to justify its continuation by searching new causes (or better- goals), such as getting even with the president, after the initial goal – ousting him – has been achieved). Maybe try inserting "next" -- "for the/its next (great) cause/goal" after the revolution had achieved its basic success succeeded. And so, the protesters found their way to the ousted ruler. At that point, it turned out that the army was too weak and frightened to confront the masses and thus_ Mr. M and his sons were taken for questioning and arrested later.

    I hope you don't keep using Mr. all the time in your actual text. You should be using only the last name.In my text I use only the last name.
    We're running out of colours

  5. #5
    motico is offline Member
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    Default Re: The ugly face of the revolution

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    We're running out of colours
    Let it be the least of our worries... Thank you!

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