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  1. #1
    DreamingAnn is offline Newbie
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    Default Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    This dissertation studies the MayDay Group, an international music education organization, through literature study and interview method to examine the action ideals, theoretical issues, organization structure and international influence of the group, so as to keep informed the international music education issues and concerns, and providing inspirations for the Chinese music education field.

    There are four chapters in this dissertation. Chapter 1: An introduction of the rationale of subject selection, literature Review, and the methods, purpose and significant of the research. Chapter 2: A description of the history, ideals, organization structure and members of the MayDay Group, and the literature review of the MayDay Group Colloquia and ACT e-journal. Chapter 3 studies the contribution and the understanding of the group through the interview of Thomas A. Regelski and Terry Gates, the original co-founders of the group, David Elliott, Liu Pei, and other 8 group members, and a non-member. Chapter 4 interprets the group from 3 different perspectives and discusses its enlightenment to Chinese music education field.

    Based on the study in this dissertation, the author argues that the praxial stance, discourses, critical reflection and interdisciplinarity of the group, not only keep providing a high level theoretical nutrition to the international music education field, but also presents a valuable academic vision to Chinese music education.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    Quote Originally Posted by DreamingAnn View Post
    (1)This dissertation studies the MayDay Group, an international music education organization, through literature study and interview method to examine the action ideals, theoretical issues, organization structure and international influence of the group, so as to keep informed the international music education issues and concerns, and providinge inspirations for the field of Chinese music education field.

    There are four chapters in this dissertation.:
    (
    Chapter) 1
    :. An introduction of the rationale of subject selection, literature Rreview, and the methods, purpose and significantce of the research.
    (Chapter) 2:.A description of the history, ideals, organization structure and members of the MayDay Group, and the a literature review of the MayDay Group Colloquia and ACT e-journal.
    (Chapter) :.studies A study of the contribution and the understanding of the group through the an interview of (with): Thomas A. Regelski and Terry Gates, the original co-founders of the group, David Elliott, Liu Pei, and the other 8 (or: the eight other) group members of the group, and a non-member.
    (Chapter) 4:. (2)interprets the group from 3 different perspectives and discusses its (3) enlightenment to the field of Chinese music education field.

    Based on the study in this dissertation, the author argues that the (4) praxial stance, discourses, critical reflection and interdisciplinarity of the group, remove comma not only keep providing a high level theoretical (5) nutrition to the international music education field, but also presents a valuable academic vision to Chinese music education.
    I know little about abstracts. I have looked at this purely from a language point of view.

    1. Your first paragraph/sentence is difficult to read. Can you somehow break it up?
    2. I am not quite sure what you mean by 'interprets the group'. In any case, it would be better to begin with a noun construction -'An interpretation of the group'. (You'll note that I have changed the beginniing of your third chapter to a noun structure. This is for consistency.
    3. The use of 'enlightment' is strange here. I am not quite sure what you mean.
    4. I don't know what 'praxial stance means'. That is not to say it's wrong - it may have meaning in your field.
    5. 'Theoretical nutrition' means little to me.
    Last edited by 5jj; 26-Apr-2011 at 17:23.

  3. #3
    DreamingAnn is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    fivejedjon: Thanks a lot!! Actually this was translated from my Chinese abstract, and I wrote it and translated in such a hurry for our deadline is coming.

    1. I have no idea how to break the first paragraph up. Any suggestion for me?
    2. The word "interpretion" here means to look at the group in several different philosophical perspective. But I don't know whether it is a correct expression.
    3. Well, I just want to express the "inspiration" in another word, cause I don't want to repeat it too much.
    4. Praxial theory or praxialism is a philosophy of music education, raised by David Elliott. And it has actually changed American music education during the last 15 years. And this group that I studied played a significant role in this process. But, I don't know whether "Praxial stance" correctly express the group's approval and support to the praxialism.
    5. Haha..tell you the true, the "theoretical nutrition" was actually my own invention, and I just want to express a kind of feeling that these theory could provide nutrition for the body of music education. But will that be Ok?

    Quote Originally Posted by fivejedjon View Post
    I know little about abstracts. I have looked at this purely from a language point of view.

    1. Your first paragraph/sentence is difficult to read. Can you somehow break it up?
    2. I am not quite sure what you mean by 'interprets the group'. In any case, it would be better to begn with a noun construction -'An interpreation of the group'. (You'll note that I have changed the beginniing of your thirs chapter to a noun structure. This is for consistency.
    3. The use of 'enlightment' is strange here. I am not quite sure what you mean.
    4. I don't know what 'praxial stance means'. That is not to say it's wrong - it may have meaning in your field.
    5. 'Theoretical nutrition' means little to me.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    Quote Originally Posted by DreamingAnn View Post
    :1. I have no idea how to break the first paragraph up. Any suggestion for me?
    5jj:The best I can do is:
    This dissertation studies the MayDay Group, an international music education organization, through literature study and interview method to examine the action ideals, theoretical issues, organization structure and international influence of the group. The purpose of this is to
    keep informed the international music education issues and concerns, and providinge inspirations for the field of Chinese music education field.
    5jj: Now I have decided I don't like 'keep informed'; I don't know exactly what you mean.

    2. The word "interpretation" here means to look at the group in several different philosophical perspective. But I don't know whether it is a correct expression.
    fjj:How about just 'examination'?

    3. Well, I just want to express the "inspiration" in another word, cause I don't want to repeat it too much.
    5jj: 'contribution'?


    4. Praxial theory or praxialism is a philosophy of music education, raised by David Elliott. And it has actually changed American music education during the last 15 years. And this group that I studied played a significant role in this process. But, I don't know whether "Praxial stance" correctly express the group's approval and support to the praxialism.
    5jj: I can't help you here, I'm afraid.

    5. Haha..tell you the trueth, the "theoretical nutrition" was actually my own invention, and I just want to express a kind of feeling that these theory could provide nutrition for the body of music education. But will that be Ok?
    5jj: Not for me. How about: 'contribution/input to the theory of international..." ?
    I hope that helps.

    I have just spotted a couple of typos in my orginal response. Sorry. I'll correct them now, and highlight them in red for you.

  5. #5
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    Quote Originally Posted by DreamingAnn View Post
    This dissertation studies the MayDay Group, an international music education organization, through literature study and interview method to examine the action ideals, theoretical issues, organization structure and international influence of the group, so as to keep informed the international music education issues and concerns, and providing inspirations for the Chinese music education field.

    There are four chapters in this dissertation. Chapter 1: An introduction of the rationale of subject selection, literature Review, and the methods, purpose and significant of the research. Chapter 2: A description of the history, ideals, organization structure and members of the MayDay Group, and the literature review of the MayDay Group Colloquia and ACT e-journal. Chapter 3 studies the contribution and the understanding of the group through the interview of Thomas A. Regelski and Terry Gates, the original co-founders of the group, David Elliott, Liu Pei, and other 8 group members, and a non-member. Chapter 4 interprets the group from 3 different perspectives and discusses its enlightenment to Chinese music education field.

    Based on the study in this dissertation, the author argues that the praxial stance, discourses, critical reflection and interdisciplinarity of the group, not only keep providing a high level theoretical nutrition to the international music education field, but also presents a valuable academic vision to Chinese music education.
    I know more about abstracts than fivejedjonn

    Is this for musicology? Does this abstract follow specific discipline conventions?

    From the perspective of humanities, this is not a good abstract. You should not list what each chapter does. Abstract should present a brief summary and the main argument of the dissertation along with the outline of the methodology and/or mention of the theoretical framework. It should also be specific without listing chapters. Your first paragraph is full of generalities. The abstract's purpose is to let the reader know what the dissertation/book/etc is about. You start to get to the meat of that only in the very brief last paragraph.

    For more specifics on what you must put in the abstract, you should consult your discipline conventions and/or the conventions of wherever you're submitting this to.

  6. #6
    DreamingAnn is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    Quote Originally Posted by fivejedjon View Post
    I hope that helps.

    I have just spotted a couple of typos in my orginal response. Sorry. I'll correct them now, and highlight them in red for you.
    Thank you so much! I've changed the last sentence:

    ...the author argues that the praxial stance, discourses, critical reflection and interdisciplinarity of the group not only maintain an international dialog about issues of music teaching and learning at a high theoretical level, but also present a valuable academic vision to Chinese music education.

    Does it look better? I quoted this expression from the co-founder of the group.

  7. #7
    DreamingAnn is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    I know more about abstracts than fivejedjonn

    Is this for musicology? Does this abstract follow specific discipline conventions?

    From the perspective of humanities, this is not a good abstract. You should not list what each chapter does. Abstract should present a brief summary and the main argument of the dissertation along with the outline of the methodology and/or mention of the theoretical framework. It should also be specific without listing chapters. Your first paragraph is full of generalities. The abstract's purpose is to let the reader know what the dissertation/book/etc is about. You start to get to the meat of that only in the very brief last paragraph.

    For more specifics on what you must put in the abstract, you should consult your discipline conventions and/or the conventions of wherever you're submitting this to.
    Thanks for your suggestion. I understand what you mean, but since this was not an abstract for proposal, but an abstract in front of my dissertation, my professor told me that it should summarize the dissertation and list the chapters in the second paragragh, and I was just doing what I've been told. Maybe this is some sort of discipline convention, but I don't know. To me, it's really hard to write a good abstract, especially when you're doing a qualitative research, for it doesn't come out any conclusion like a science experiment, what matters was the details of your description.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Please help me to correct the abstract of my dissertation!!

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    I know more about abstracts than fivejedjonn .
    That's not difficult.

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