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Thread: IELTS

  1. #1
    sheyh's Avatar
    sheyh is offline Newbie
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    Default IELTS

    Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? what factors are important in achieving happiness?

    Life is separated into two parts. It is happiness and sorrow. They comes to human life suddenly and invisibly. I would express a happiness as a blooming flower and a sorrow as withered flower. In the same way these both part are inseparable but one is bitter and one is sweet. but it is crystal clear that no one has path to define these inseparable parts of life.

    In my point of view happiness is an abstract thing not a materialistic thing that can be defined easily. it can only be expressed by person's eyes, feelings and emotions. but it hasn't any definition. I can buy food, water but i can't buy happiness. It is divine thing. Nobody knows when happiness comes and go. Some people achieve a happiness easy between a few month but some people achieve after a long time. And when it comes we can't measure it how much are we happy? Sometime it can be deep like a ocean that a person can fall into it but can't measure its depth but sometime it can be shallow like a stream that person can't be aware when it came and go.

    Moreover I would like to say that there are a deal of other factor which play significant role in happiness. Each person has his/her aim and wants to reach to it. When this aim comes true it would be happiness i suppose. Happiness and aim are inseparable. They come in one time and together.

    in conclusion nobody knows when a happiness comes. It is divine that comes suddenly and invisibly.


    Please give advices and band

  2. #2
    luschen is offline Member
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    Default Re: IELTS

    Hi,

    I am not an English teacher, but as a native speaker I would be happy to comment on your essay. Your writing seems good, but the essay was hard for me to follow. One cannot say "a happiness". You would say "a happy event occurred" or "happiness is the feeling or state of being happy". I have also made a few corrections and suggestions below.

    Quote Originally Posted by sheyh View Post
    Happiness is considered very important in life. Why is it difficult to define? what factors are important in achieving happiness?

    Life is separated into two parts. It is happiness and sorrow. {Life can be separated into two parts: happiness and sorrow} They[each] comes to human life suddenly and invisibly. I would express a happiness as a blooming flower and a sorrow as [a] withered flower. In the same way these both part are inseparable but one is bitter and one is sweet. but it is crystal clear that no one has path to define these inseparable parts of life. {this sentence is not crystal clear, can you try to rewrite it?}

    In my point of view{"opinion" would work better here} happiness is an abstract thing not a materialistic{"concrete" would be better here - materialistic has a "greedy" connotation} thing that can be defined easily. it can only be expressed by[through] [a] person's eyes, feelings and emotions. but it hasn't any definition.{not sure I agree with this - it is in the dictionary} I can buy food, water but i can't buy happiness. It is divine thing. Nobody knows when happiness comes and go[goes] {they usually know when - do you mean why?}. Some people achieve a happiness easy [easily] between[within] a few month{s} but some people [only] achieve [it] after a long time. And when it comes we can't measure it how much are we happy?{And when it does come, how can we measure an immeasurable quality like happiness?} Sometime{s} it can be deep like a ocean that[which] a person can fall into it but can't[not] measure its depth {new sentence} but sometime{s} it can be shallow like a stream that[,which] person can't be aware when it came and go.{ ... which a person knows not where it comes from nor where it will go.}

    Moreover I would like to say that there are a deal[number] of other factor{s} which play [a] significant role in happiness. Each person has his/her aim and wants to reach to it. When this aim comes true {an aim can't really come true - a dream or desire could come true. You could also say, my aim is true - meaning my aim is on target} it would be happiness i suppose. Happiness and aim are inseparable. {this doesn't really make sense to me - what do you mean by aim?}They come in one time and together.

    in conclusion nobody knows when a happiness comes. It is divine that comes suddenly and invisibly.


    Please give advices and band

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