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  1. #1
    scott833 is offline Senior Member
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    Can somebody help me correct these following sentences. Thanks :)

    1) I prefer to travel around the world and stay in each country for at least one month. By doing that, you will gain in-dept knowledge of the countries you are visiting rather than gaining surface knowledge.

    2) The coach of the team who has been unfairly treated by the referee was angry during the press conference.

    3) The coach of team who received bad treatment by the referee was angry.

  2. #2
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    Re: Can somebody help me correct these following sentences. Thanks :)

    Quote Originally Posted by scott833 View Post
    1) I prefer to travel around the world and stay in each country for at least one month. By doing that, you will gain in-depth knowledge of the countries you are visiting rather than (gaining) just surface knowledge.

    2) The coach of the team who hasd been unfairly treated by the referee was angry during the press conference.

    3) The coach of team who received bad treatment by from the referee was angry.
    5

  3. #3
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Re: Can somebody help me correct these following sentences. Thanks :)

    I will add that the shift in #1. from first-person to second-person is awkward.

  4. #4
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    Re: Can somebody help me correct these following sentences. Thanks :)

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    I will add that the shift in #1. from first-person to second-person is awkward.
    It's certainly not great style, but it's common in conversation.

  5. #5
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Re: Can somebody help me correct these following sentences. Thanks :)

    Quote Originally Posted by fivejedjon View Post
    It's certainly not great style, but it's common in conversation.
    Yes, if the OP used "can" instead of "will". With "will" it's just strange.

  6. #6
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    Route21 is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Can somebody help me correct these following sentences. Thanks :)

    Hi scott833

    Another way to address freezeframe's and fivejedjon's concerns, could possibly be:

    "By doing that, one gains a more in-depth knowledge of the countries you are visiting rather than just surface knowledge."

    It does make it a bit more formal than normal conversation, as fivejedjon noted.

    In reading it, you could also put stress on the words I've written in bold.
    Hopefully that would improve the flow and contrast.

    Hope this helps
    R21

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