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  1. #1
    diplomacy is offline Member
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    Default could you correct my essay,please?

    This is an ad for brush of teeth in the Time magazine. I think it is
    successful for many reasons. The ad captures your attention. First, when you look at the ad , you will be getting the message by an exotic way . Then , in the ad there is a handsome guy has black hair. He looks satisfied(confident) and he is preparing to go for sleeping. In addition, the colors are coordinated. For example, the guy has a blue eyes , he is taking blue brush of teeth and he is wearing a blue gown, too. Moreover , in the photograph the brush out of his ear. It means this brush of teeth has a new flexibility . Finally, this ad for brush of teeth is efficient all over the world and it convinced the viewers to buy this product because it has an exotic design.

  2. #2
    licinio is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: could you correct my essay,please?

    Here is my attempt (I'm a learner myself, so wait for other comments, also on my own proposal).

    This is an ad for a toothbrush published in the Time magazine. I think it is successful for many reasons.
    Firstly, the ad captures your attention.
    Secondly, when you look at the ad, you will be getting the message in an exotic way. In fact, in the ad there is a handsome guy with black hair. He is preparing to go to sleep and looks satisfied and confident (you should better explain why you mentioned exotic because this description doesn’t match the idea).
    In addition, the colors are coordinated. For example, the guy has blue eyes, he is holding a blue toothbrush and he is wearing a blue gown, too.
    Moreover, in the photograph the brush sticks out of his ear (?), which means this toothbrush has a new flexibility.
    Finally, this ad is effective all over the world and it convinces the viewers to buy this product because it has an exotic design.

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: could you correct my essay,please?

    Lucinio makes some good suggestions, but remove the "the" from in front of Time Magazine. Be sure to explain why you think the ad catches the reader's attention. Also, it is hard to know what you mean by "exotic" since it is a relative term. (For example, in Saudi Arabia blondes might be considered exotic, but in Scandinavia they would not be.) Omit the part about the brush being in the person's ear. (I can't figure that one out.)


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