Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    Ever Student's Avatar
    Ever Student is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    1,059
    Post Thanks / Like

    Question A passage for editing please

    Hello,

    Would you please make correction of the passage below?

    Topic for writing:

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

    "Actions speak louder than words"
    use specific reasons and examples to support your response:

    "Paragraph I"

    I agree with this saying. As this behavior is simply seen in each large or small society, from a small family to the governmental organizations. We can often find out our relatives, especially our parents do not as they say. It is the same as a slogan that they use it but they will not do as they promise. For instance, the parents give a promise to their kids that they will buy for them a special toy or toys; however, they will easily forget what they have said to their children before.

    It will continue......

  2. #2
    luschen is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    191
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: A passage for editing please

    Hi, please see my suggestions below. The introductory paragraph should really just introduce the argument and any options and then end with a thesis statement stating the specific point you will try to make.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ever Student View Post
    Hello,

    Would you please make correction of the passage below?

    Topic for writing:

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

    "Actions speak louder than words"
    use specific reasons and examples to support your response:

    "Paragraph I"

    I agree with this saying.{Include the saying in your essay - the essay should stand alone} As this behavior{what behavior?} is simply seen in each large or small society, from a small family to the governmental organizations. We can often find {discover might be a better word here} out our relatives, especially our parents {comma here} do not as they say. It is the same as a slogan that they use it but they will not do as they promise. For instance, the parents give[make] a promise to their kids that they will buy for them a special toy or toys; however, they will easily forget what they have said to their children before.

    It will continue......

  3. #3
    Ever Student's Avatar
    Ever Student is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    1,059
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: A passage for editing please

    Quote Originally Posted by luschen View Post
    Hi, please see my suggestions below. The introductory paragraph should really just introduce the argument and any options and then end with a thesis statement stating the specific point you will try to make.
    thank you.

Similar Threads

  1. Could you please help me by editting my The Time Machine Essay?
    By hey123 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 28-Jan-2011, 03:04
  2. Seasons and your editting please.
    By Ever Student in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 27-Nov-2009, 03:56
  3. could you help me editting my wrting?
    By catherine-mu in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 27-Jun-2008, 02:32
  4. editting a line
    By Need in help in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 28-Apr-2007, 18:59

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •