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  1. #1
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default How to win an argument.

    Oldie but goodie Also 100% true. It works. Every time. Especially the argumentum ad Hitlerum he mentions at the end. Give it a shot next time you're having an intellectual argument.

    How to win an argument

    by Dave Barry, 1981

    I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

    * Drink Liquor. (JD)
    Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot entralls your date. But if you drink several large shots of Jack Daniels, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

    * Make things up. Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

    NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

    If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."

    * Use meaningless but weightly-sounding words and phrases. Memorize this list:

    • Let me put it this way
    • In terms of
    • Vis-a-vis
    • Per se
    • As it were
    • Qua
    • So to speak

    You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.," "e.g.," and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:

    "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."

    You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

    Only a fool would challenge that statement.

    * Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks. You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevent phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

    • You're begging the question.
    • You're being defensive.
    • Don't compare apples and oranges.
    • What are your parameters?

    This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Here's how to use your comebacks:

    You say - As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
    Your opponents says - Lincoln died in 1865.
    You say - You're begging the question.


    OR

    You say - Liberians, like most Asians...
    Your opponents says - Liberia is in Africa.
    You say - You're being defensive.


    * Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler. This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

    You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

    From digitalroom.net

  2. #2
    Verona_82 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    What are your parameters?
    I laughed a lot, thanks.

  3. #3
    strangerinmoscow is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    Let me put it this way, freezeframe-in terms of accuracy, over 9,000 people tried arguing using the methods discussed in this guide, but only 37% were successful, so to speak.

  4. #4
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    Quote Originally Posted by strangerinmoscow View Post
    Let me put it this way, freezeframe-in terms of accuracy, over 9,000 people tried arguing using the methods discussed in this guide, but only 37% were successful, so to speak.
    That sounds like something Hitler might say.



    PS always make up exact numbers; I believe the number of people was 9,302. Sheesh... amateurs.

  5. #5
    strangerinmoscow is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    You're being defensive, FF.

  6. #6
    sylviaeasley is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    I like Ur suggestion .i will try defiantly.

  7. #7
    SirGod's Avatar
    SirGod is offline Member
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    Great read and absolutely true in my opinion. But this:

    Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
    is wrong. Coders do know what that means. But let's be fair, maybe back in 1981 there weren't so many coders.

  8. #8
    Mr_Ben's Avatar
    Mr_Ben is offline Member
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    Quote Originally Posted by freezeframe View Post
    That sounds like something Hitler might say.
    Godwin's law in 3 posts. What is this, the youtube comments section?

  9. #9
    freezeframe is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr_Ben View Post
    Godwin's law in 3 posts. What is this, the youtube comments section?

    We're obviously more efficient here than your average youtube user.

  10. #10
    philo2009 is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: How to win an argument.

    It seems that Mr Barry is familiar with all of MY techniques!


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