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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Please, would you proofread my fairy tale.

    This is the first part of my fairy tale "The Happy King." Please would you proofread it.

    Once upon a time, there lived a happy King. Unlike other monarchs, tsars, emperors and other rulers, he was not interested in power. He became a King not because he wanted, but because after death of his father he was the oldest child whom the kingdom belonged by birth. His brothers and sisters were still small children at that time and the future King had to take his responsibilities, although inside himself he was feeling more like an artist than a ruler.

    As soon as the formalities were dispensed with and celebrations finished, the King turned to his passions - painting, reading, and music. His wife, the Queen was more practically inclined and the King gave her almost complete authority in order to have more time for his passions. Thus, the Queen took the decisions about the ministerial posts and other important political and economical issues.

    The King had a confidence in his wifeís decisions and was satisfied with signing the documents that landed on his table, without questioning her judgment. To tell the truth, it should be emphasized that the Queen was not a power-hungry person, rather as any dutiful and careful housewife she wanted to see order in her home and please his husband.
    The Kingís day would usually begin with morning coffee and light breakfast, after which he would take his books and go into the garden where he would sit for hours in the shade of trees and read poetry, novels and philosophy, surrounded with birdsong and scents of countless flowers. Sometimes he had an urge to paint and he would retreat to his studio where he painted still life or let his imagination run, creating works full of fantasy and dreams.

    The King was also an accomplished piano player and it did not pass a day without him sitting at the piano, playing Chopin, Schuman or List, his well-manicured, slender fingers flying over the keyboard. He was such a sensitive person that he sometimes felt as if he did not belong to the planet Earth, but to some higher sphere, where bodies did not exist and human beings were transformed into ideas which neither became old nor died. It was probably one of the reasons that art was so important in his existence.

    Art was both his emotional and spiritual nourishment, while the crown was something ephemeral which he did not pay much attention to. He was feeling that without his kingdom, he would still survive, but without art, he would certainly die. His palace was always filled with people with whom the King could discuss literature, poetry, philosophy and music. Late in the night, the guests would drink excellent wines, eat lavish meals and exchange their thoughts about metaphysic, logic, Kantís and Platoís philosophy, Leonardoís paintings, Byronís verses, and the Nobel Prize.

    Under the influence of alcohol and the high number of heavy calories, their brains would work hard and the discussions were intense, sometimes even heated, although they never ended in physical confrontations. These were the moments when the King felt like in Paradise, his brain experiencing indescribable feelings of happiness and satisfaction.
    TO BE CONTINUED.

  2. #2
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my fairy tale.

    Dear Gil,

    Thank you very much for correcting my mistakes.

  3. #3
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my fairy tale.

    I would not capitalise king and queen, except in the title.

    Note spelling of Schumann and Liszt.

    Rover

  4. #4
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    SanMar is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my fairy tale.

    "he was the oldest child whom the kingdom belonged to by birth"

    I'm not sure of this myself, but isn't it "to whom"? I'm just going by ear so perhaps I am wrong.


    Not a teacher.

  5. #5
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my fairy tale.

    Now I have a question. Is it correct to write "he was the oldest child to whom the kingdom belonged to by birth." In that case do I need to use the second "to" with the word "belong" ?

  6. #6
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    SanMar is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my fairy tale.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Now I have a question. Is it correct to write "he was the oldest child to whom the kingdom belonged to by birth." In that case do I need to use the second "to" with the word "belong" ?
    I think you need belonged to. I can't think of any example where belong isn't followed by to. Maybe someone else can? Either way I'd wait on a teacher to verify this.

    Not a teacher.

  7. #7
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Please, would you proofread my fairy tale.

    Thank you SanMar for clarifying that sentence for me.

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