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  1. #1
    keannu's Avatar
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    Default birth mother= real mother?

    When you say "birth mother", is it mainly for an adopted child?
    I think birth mother = real mother = biological mother, but when to use each of them?

  2. #2
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: birth mother= real mother?

    Yes, for an adopted child. I wouldn't say "real mother." The real mother is the one who raises and cares for the child, not the one who gave birth.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: birth mother= real mother?

    "Real mother" is a highly inflammatory thing to say for [some/most/all] adoptive families.

    I can't think of a context to use "birth mother" outside of an adoption situation. Oh, I take that back -- surrogate mothers could be birth mothers.

    But as Dave says, the "real" mother is the woman who brings up, nurtures, and loves that child, regardless of biology.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: birth mother= real mother?

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    But as Dave says, the "real" mother is the woman who brings up, nurtures, and loves that child, regardless of biology.
    Unless that person is a man. Recently a homosexual couple here acquired a baby from a surrogate friend. Who is the real mother?
    As you say, it's an inflammatory term, and best not used.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: birth mother= real mother?

    I wouldn't call either of those men the real mother - they are the baby's real fathers!
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  6. #6
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: birth mother= real mother?

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    "Real mother" is a highly inflammatory thing to say for [some/most/all] adoptive families.

    I can't think of a context to use "birth mother" outside of an adoption situation. Oh, I take that back -- surrogate mothers could be birth mothers.

    But as Dave says, the "real" mother is the woman who brings up, nurtures, and loves that child, regardless of biology.
    I believe surrogacy ends in a legal adoption, doesn't it?

  7. #7
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: birth mother= real mother?

    Quote Originally Posted by SoothingDave View Post
    I believe surrogacy ends in a legal adoption, doesn't it?
    It should, ideally, and perhaps this is the most likely outcome. Unfortunately, there are very often legal challenges from the surrogate who wants to keep the baby. So, rather than being adopted, a court assigns the right of parenthood or guardianship.
    In other places where surrogacy is illegal, adoption by the intended parents would also be illegal - again, a matter for the courts, or simply an informal arrangement in which the child is not officially adopted out by the surrogate. This has the disadvantage that several years later, the child-raising parents have no legal standing when the birth mother wants the child back.


    http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/08/15/1060936056512.html

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