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  1. #1
    Dready is offline Junior Member
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    Retelling Ray Bradbury's story

    Can you please tell if everything is OK with my short retelling of A summer in a day by R. Bradbury. Thank you.

    This story is about a girl Margo who was born on Earth but lives on Venus with all the other kids. The kids don't like her because she's different. She looks different, her world outlook is different since she came from another planet. The only friend she has is a girl by the name of Paulie whom she shares some of her inner thoughts.

    Margo has problems fitting in in her class. A boy named William always teases her because he thinks she doesn't belong here.

    It always rains on Venus, and the only time it doesn't is when the Sun comes out. But it comes out only once in seven years.

    And there came that day where all expected the Sun to shine, and most of all Margo, who got everyone excited by describing how the Sun looked when she had seen it every day in Ohio. Many didn't believe her, including bullyboy William who locked her in a room that day thinking it was just a joke. All the other kids were just watching him do this and didn't defend her.

    When the Sun came out that day everyone rushed to the street enjoying the warm and beauty of the Sun they see so rare. But having this feeling of excitement and joy no one had remember that the one who wanted to see the Sun the most was locked in the dark room alone.

    The Sun didn't stay for long. Soon it started raining again brining all the boys and girls to sadness. When they came back to the house they remembered that Margo hadn't seen the Sun staying the whole time in the dark room. They came to the room and opened the door to see how she was.

  2. #2
    Dready is offline Junior Member
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    Re: Retelling Ray Bradbury's story

    Gillnetter, thanks very much. Your suggestions have helped me a lot.
    And I don't know why I wrote the sun with a capital letter. I just remembered the rule about writing planets with a capital letter, but I knew that the sun is not a planet though. ;)
    Last edited by Dready; 19-May-2011 at 17:49.

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