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    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran

    • Join Date: May 2011
    • Posts: 2
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #1

    Red face Would you please revise my motivation letter?

    Dear sir/madam,
    I am writing to apply for the Masterís Degree program in Digital Media at XX University. My ambition is to become a professor of universities.

    I graduated from Khayyam Higher Educational Institute in Iran with a Bachelorís Degree in Computer Engineering. My major was in hardware but I wanted to enlarge my area of study so I also took a 40-hour course in web design by ASP.net and a 180-hour course on database programming by SQL server. Also, Iíve worked as an intern in computer site in my university for 4 months, as an English teacher for more than 7 months, as a web designer for about 6 months.
    When I first become aware of the field of digital media it was a new science in my country. I chose to pursue in digital media because I want to be on the forefront of discovery and I recognized that it would become a vital factor in the lives of human beings. Despite the novelty of the field, programming and design came naturally to me. As my knowledge and experience grew, I began to explore the greater potential in the convergence of different fields of science.
    My fascination with the interaction between human beings and technology was fueled in reading about a robot. It had been crafted to look lifelike and was able to express feeling through facial expressions. This combination of science opened up new windows of possibility for me and motivated me to look at your project with more interest. And I thought maybe in the future I can go further and do research on the memorization in robots, just as a wish.
    My decision comes from two main reasons. First this master program is extremely suitable with my ability, my interest, my bachelor program as well as the extra courses that I took after graduation. The second reason for my choice originates from the well-known reputation of the high qualified education system of Germany. Having a chance to study in Germany means I will have opportunities to approach and experience one of the best education systems in the world.

    Sincerely,
    Maryam Bagheri

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Netherlands
      • Current Location:
      • Canada

    • Join Date: Mar 2011
    • Posts: 217
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #2

    Re: Would you please revise my motivation letter?

    Not TeachR

    Well, not bad, just a few spots, and some punctuation to make it read more smoothly.

    When I first become aware of the field of digital media it was a new science in my country. I chose to pursue (in) digital media because I wantED to be on the forefront of discovery, and I recognized that it would become a vital factor in the lives of human beings. Despite the newness of the field, programming and design came naturally to me. As my knowledge and experience grew, I began to explore the greater potential in the convergence of different fields of science.
    My fascination with the interaction between human beings and technology was fueled (in) by reading about a robot. It had been crafted to look lifelike and was able to express feeling through facial expressions.
    This combination of sciences opened up new windows of possibility for me and motivated me to look at your project with more interest. I thought that in future I could go further, and research memorization in robots as a sideline.
    My decision (comes from) is based on two reasons. First, this master program is extremely suitable (with) to my ability, my interest, my bachelor program, and the extra courses that I took after graduation. The second reason for my choice originates from the well-known reputation of the highLY qualified educationAL system of Germany. Having a chance to study in Germany means I will have opportunities to approach and experience one of the best educational systems in the world.

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