[Grammar] Request Letter

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Ferdie11

Member
Joined
Jul 2, 2009
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Tagalog
Home Country
Philippines
Current Location
Philippines
Please help me correct any errors in the letter below. Or please give me advice on how to do it better. Thanks so much.

Dear XYZ:

I am writing to formally request your approval of my enrollment this semester as a junior student. Let me also take this opportunity to apologize for not informing you that I could not continue my studies last year because I really had to find a job to financially help myself and support my family. But now, I have an opportunity to pursue my studies again.
I’m hoping for your favorable response.

 

Ferdie11

Member
Joined
Jul 2, 2009
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Tagalog
Home Country
Philippines
Current Location
Philippines


How about this?

I am writing to request your approval of my enrollment this semester as a third-year student. Let me also take this opportunity to apologize for not informing you that I could not continue my studies last year. I had to work to financially help myself and support my family. Now, I have an opportunity and have decided to pursue my studies again.
I’m hoping for your favorable response.

Thanks so much.
 
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