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  1. #1
    chowbarry is offline Junior Member
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    Default Could anybody here help me improve the following sentences?

    Could anybody here help me improve the following sentences?

    1) As scheduled, I paid a visit to the ABC park yesterday noon, I found a ceremony celebrating the opening of Councillor office was held at the heart of the playground. Nearly 300 people coming from different parties took part in the ceremony, but all of them aboded by the instructions. General speaking, the ceremony was held in order as no adverse report was received so far.

    2) I received a phone call from Mr. A this morning and I learnt that the Supplies Department is set to start the construction work early next week.

    Thank you in advance!

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: Could anybody here help me improve the following sentences?

    Quote Originally Posted by chowbarry View Post
    Could anybody here help me improve the following sentences?

    1) As scheduled, I paid a visit to the ABC park yesterday noon, I found a ceremony celebrating the opening of Councillor office was held at the heart of the playground. Nearly 300 people coming from different parties took part in the ceremony, but all of them aboded by the instructions. General speaking, the ceremony was held in order as no adverse report was received so far.

    As scheduled, I visited the ABC Park yesterday afternoon/at noon. I discovered that a ceremony to celebrate the opening of the Council Office (or the Councillor's Office) was being held at the centre of the playground. Almost 300 people from different parties took part in the ceremony and they all followed the instructions (I'm not clear why this is important?!) Generally speaking, the ceremony passed without incident and no adverse reports have been received so far.

    2) I received a phone call from Mr. A this morning and I learnt that the Supplies Department is set to start the construction work early next week.

    I received a phone call from Mr A this morning, who told me that the Supplies Department is all set to start (or "will be starting") the construction work early next week.

    Thank you in advance!
    See my suggestions above.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 08-Jun-2011 at 07:34. Reason: typo

  3. #3
    chowbarry is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Could anybody here help me improve the following sentences?

    emsr2d2, thank you very much!

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