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  1. #1
    smidty is offline Newbie
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    Default Please check my songtext

    hey
    i'm not sure about my songtext
    its the first song of our band and i would like to know if there are any mistakes or weird sentence structures in it, and how you like it, before we start playing it infront of an audience

    No Wonder

    This scene is versant
    it’s all around
    the world’s in motion
    hectic and loud
    everyone’s running
    no place to breath
    I make may way through
    this crowded streets

    and suddenly there stands a man in front of me
    declaring things of his own philosophy
    he actually seems pretty wise and versed to me
    but what he says worries me he says

    Oh its no wonder that we’re falling apart, no
    we’re falling apart
    it all falls apart
    if things won’t change than the trouble goes on, yes
    the trouble goes on
    it all will go on

    this scene is versant
    go look outside
    we’ve to come up to
    what is desired
    stay calm and covered in
    pinstripe-suit
    the headlines lead while
    they keep us mute

    and suddenly there stands this man in front of me
    one of a few with his own identity
    he actually seems pretty wise and versed to me
    but what he says worries me he says

    Oh its no wonder that we’re falling apart, no
    we’re falling apart
    it all falls apart
    if things won’t change than the trouble goes on, yes
    the trouble goes on
    it all will go on



    Thanks ;)

  2. #2
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Please check my songtext

    In songs, even native speakers can use some very strange constructions, so don't worry too much. I have picked out four things to think about.

    Quote Originally Posted by smidty View Post
    This scene is versant This means nothing to me
    [...]no place to breathe
    [...]thisese crowded streets
    [...]he actually seems pretty wise and versed to me sounds strange to me, but you'll get away with it in a song.

  3. #3
    smidty is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please check my songtext

    okey thanks for your reply ;)

    I will correct those mistakes

    do you have any alternatives for the word "versant" for me?
    I thought "versand" means something like familiar
    what about "conversant"?
    or would it has to be "conversantly" in this case?
    maybe you also have a better idea for "versed"?

    thank you very much ;)
    Last edited by smidty; 10-Jun-2011 at 11:18.

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