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  1. #1
    vaironl is offline Newbie
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    Default Speaking metaphorically ( Extended metaphor)

    I'm Doing this Extended metaphor writing in which I compare myself to a lonely shark. I don't understand yet if we can ask for opinions about these kind of things in the forum, but I just need to know if I'm getting my main idea to reach the readers mind ( and also if part of my punctuation is correct/incorrect ).
    Thanks in advance to the forum users.

    "Speaking metaphorically

    Im a lonely shark, swimming in a huge ocean. The streets are that ocean, which are full of danger and other bad surprises. I dont require any help to hunt for the things which I need in this ocean. I also dont need any company to obtain a great education, since most companies are adversaries. I depend on my own, since the suppose friends are usually enemies. After a long day in the dangerous street, after this long day of receiving my education, I return to an isolation period in my home.

    Im as solitary, as most of the obsolete technologies which were once very important to us all, but are now near forgotten. Therefore I find myself looking for entertainment. With a piece of technology, such as a computer and a video game system I could be isolated from socialization and civilization for my unsociable period of time. But then again the need for things brings me to my main role as a lonely white shark in a vast ocean, with dangers that follow me every day as I hunt for an education. Besides the food I seek, I also look out for myself and how I actually am, what kind of things I like; I look for my education and future career. All of it done by myself in murky and dangerous waters.

    Some wonder, if there is ever a moment in which I have company in my life. The answer is yes and that is whenever I believe I have found the emotion called love. One which many think that is real, but is the one emotion I hate the most, is the one emotion which takes me back to being alone again and again. Love is the emotion which I cannot understand at the moment. Therefore I should wait until Im a grown shark, in dangerous waters, with experiences farther than any other shark in this vast ocean full of danger.
    "

    Vaironl's extended metaphor

  2. #2
    luschen is offline Member
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    Default Re: Speaking metaphorically ( Extended metaphor)

    I think your main ideas are pretty clear, although there are a few grammatical errors. Most of your essay focuses on danger though, but when I think of a shark, I think of a predator instead of a victim. The loneliness I understand, but not the fear. Maybe you could stress from the beginning that you are a small, young shark, constantly having to watch out for the larger sharks in the ocean.

  3. #3
    vaironl is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Speaking metaphorically ( Extended metaphor)

    Thanks, although I already turned this paper in, I will revise it for errors.

  4. #4
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    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Speaking metaphorically ( Extended metaphor)

    I don't know whether this will please your teacher. It's not a good metaphor; it's not a good extended metaphor.
    Sharks shouldn't be seeking an education or falling in love. Basically you've said, "I'm a small shark in a big ocean", and then written about yourself, every now and then re-stating that you're a shark in the ocean.

    If you have to explain the metaphor, "The streets are that ocean, which are full of danger and other bad surprises" you should state it the other way round. "The ocean is [represents] the streets, which are full of danger ..."

    Where is all the ocean imagery? Where are the phrases like "working my way up the food chain", "seeking to dominate the waves", "learning to assert the importance of my role in the marine environment", "senselessly thrashing about whenever I detect the scent of a female shark" etc.?

    "After a long day in the dangerous street, after this long day of receiving my education, I return to an isolation period in my home" Ironically, this is a metaphor made by the shark, comparing his ocean world to "the streets". Now I'm confused. Is it supposed to be you making a metaphor out of the shark's world, or the shark making a metaphor using your world? Maybe I've misread it.

    PS: In English, we align our text to the left, for almost all purposes.

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